Welcome to the story of loves, bad boys, hopeless romantics and wrong decisions that we hope will have a happy ending but are shelved at the first opportunity! Say goodbye to the idea of falling in love with all the wrong things… Now is the time for right decisions and great loves.
Article: Baran Alışkan
For romantics in love, the ‘happy ending’ continues to shine like the ostentatious reward of a heroic adventure. Sometimes likes at first sight, sometimes over time, turns into love and we meet the romantic partner of our dreams in our own ‘happy ending’. In the office, at school, on the street, in our social circle, and sometimes that lucky person closest to us holds the key to happiness, right? Maybe we were wrong a few times… Our last relationship, like the previous ones, may have been worse than we expected. Still, we don’t lose hope and look forward to our next romantic story. If all these thoughts are not foreign to you, it means that you are one of those who are lost among the mistakes. If you are an incorrigible lover who constantly makes wrong decisions, you are in the right place.
to date ‘and they lived happily ever after…’ We have lost count of how many different loves we have embarked on with the hope of ending with the text. Otherwise, as Athena said, “Every new adventure smells of strawberries, full of excitement. Was it a temporary enthusiasm, sometimes long and sometimes short…”? Whichever it is, if you are an empty-hearted person while reading these lines, it means that you have an assertive history of making wrong choices. Now leave us aside; How did your series of wrong choices begin? Was he an attractive architect or a charismatic writer? Maybe he was a lawyer who was both attractive and charismatic. He may also be an adventurous nature lover who runs his own business. That lovely teacher, who was great with children, also seemed like an ideal person at first glance.
In fact, when we look at it, we see that the only thing all these options have in common is ‘being with you’. Since they eventually became a thing of the past, one by one, they were all carefully placed in the old and mistakes box and put on the shelf. Just as; Whether it’s the master wrong chooser Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City, the hopeless romantic prince Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother, or Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s Fleabag, you bring tears to our eyes with your consistency in the matter of wrong choices.
BREAKING UP FOR HURRY LOVE
First of all, we cannot blame ourselves for being with the wrong people, even though we describe them as ‘wrong choices’. Because who wants to be the leading character in love stories with unhappy endings instead of being in a happy relationship? This situation occurs entirely in connection with not being able to learn from romantic experiences. So we encounter this not willingly, but inevitably. We give chances to the people we determine as our type or to the possibilities that pass the wall we have built with certain criteria, and then we meet again with disappointment.
Psychologist Cansın Alsancak states that individuals who say they constantly experience wrong relationships usually make quick decisions if they meet the criteria instead of trying to get to know the other person better at the first stage and may regret it later. When they come together without knowing each other fully, another item is added to the list of mistakes… To this situation; We can also say that separation suits hasty love.
MEETING FLEABAG, FLEABAGGING AND FLEABAGGER
The black comedy series Fleabag, which was recently released as a joint production of BBC and Amazon, has been added to our list of guides as one of the productions that best depict wrong loves and wrong choices. Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s award-winning series; It tells the story of a woman who frequently shares her feelings with the audience, tries to get her life in order, and establishes relationships with the wrong people. So much so that the lead character’s last love was a clergyman who had to keep his distance from sexuality. By the way, the priest character played by Andrew Scott is considered the ‘dream man’ for many women (it wouldn’t hurt to take a look!)…
Anyway, our lead character, who cannot get what he expects from life and relationships, constantly terrifies us on the screen with his wrong choices. At least once: “I spend my life having sex to console my empty heart…” He manages to confess the situation to himself with his words. Fleabag made a huge impact on wrong choices and wrong loves and became a phenomenon. The story, which has turned into a relationship trend called ‘Fleabagging’, is defined as making bad choices over and over again. In fact, half of the more than a thousand users who participated in a matchmaking site’s survey define themselves as ‘fleabaggers’, that is, people who experience wrong and bad relationships. You see, we are not alone. We’re just a little wrong, that’s all.
A woman in her mid-20s who describes herself as a fleabagger claims that even though she was looking for the right person, she attracted the wrong people. He gives a chance to people who manage to overcome a few filters he applies when choosing a prospective romantic partner. But usually these people end up being a real disappointment. Even though they present an ideal profile in the beginning, after some time it becomes clear that they are not suitable for each other… We are not saying it, she says it herself… When we talked to a woman in her late 30s, she said that the ‘bad boy’ image was very attractive to her, but this type of person was very attractive to her. He admits that he understands that healthy and long relationships cannot be established with partners. This taste constantly dragged him into toxic relationships. Another example is a woman who is looking for her prince charming, even though there is no similarity between the people she is interested in… Despite their different characters and different physical characteristics, at the end of the day, no candidate was the ‘right person’ for her and they parted ways never to meet again. According to him, loneliness occurs in three stages: Wrong decisions, wrong men and wrong relationships. This trio makes us very sad.
According to psychologist Cansın Alsancak, we constantly repeat similar associations, emotional reactions and dynamics. “The quality of the relationship we establish with the other person reflects the quality of the relationship we establish with ourselves. We choose the people we associate with, and we make these choices based on our needs. If we know, love and value ourselves, our choices will be healthier. Otherwise, we will always establish similar relationships and this will put us in a vicious circle. “When we realize this and give ourselves time to digest it, that’s when we start to open the doors of change.”
A SERIES OF WRONG DECISIONS
Fleabagging and a constant stream of wrong decisions make us feel bad. We may be a bad decision maker or a bad lover. Maybe we don’t understand love at all, it could be all of them! One thing is for sure, we don’t deserve this.
Fleabag told the story of a woman who didn’t have much respect for herself. Of course, we don’t compare ourselves to a black comedy series, but we’d better keep our doors open to the inspiration it provides. Because our relationship with ourselves may lie behind our wrong partner choices. After all, the code of our social and romantic relationships is formed based on the relationship we establish with ourselves. As this negative situation continues, it is possible to show some reactions.
Psk. Cansin Alsancak, He thinks that people who cannot avoid falling in love with the wrong people may experience loss of self-confidence, feeling of powerlessness, overeating/not eating, sleep disorders, loneliness, feeling of worthlessness, decreased/excessive social relationships, and repetitive thoughts towards the person with whom they feel intense emotions. While we wanted a happy life, we never expected to encounter such things…
SAY GOODBYE!
Even though we are remembered with the wrong people we fell in love with, such as Fleabag, Ted Mosby or Carrie Bradshaw, it is possible to change this.
Psk. According to Cansın Alsancak, we can start by trying to identify the common features in the elections. If we are aware of the common features in these relationships, we will also realize which issues we should focus on while working on our relationship choices. Now that we realize what we are attracted to, we can be more honest with ourselves when making our choices. Do we need to make promises to each other?
We cannot get together with someone just because they are handsome or beautiful. Even though we live in the world of images, we must leave this aside. We need to turn to our inner world and discover what actually makes us happy. In this way, we will not settle for less and will increase our chances of choosing the right candidate instead of the closest candidate. We also fully acknowledge that past experiences play a big role in our lives. However, in their light, we cannot look to the future with confidence. We need to know how to leave the lessons we need to learn behind immediately after learning them. Finally, let’s agree not to make quick choices. Now that the criteria and filters are gone, we can start all over again. It is time to say goodbye to the bad reputation we have gained in our close circle due to our wrong choices… Now we are on the first page of a romantic story with a happy ending. It is free to fall in love until you see the sentence ‘They lived happily ever after…’! Please, let’s check early whether it is the right person this time…
WHAT TO DO TO MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION?
• Listen to your feelings.
• Leave appearance aside.
• Realize your own value.
• Learn from the past and forget about insecurities.
• Take your time.
• Leave the criteria aside.
• Choose the right person, not the most suitable one.
PLAYLIST OF FALSE LOVES
Sezen Aksu Wow
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Kayahan What was my sin?
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Sertab Erener Yanarım
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3 Those Who Love Hürel Weep
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Tarkan Winter Sun
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Athena Adventure
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Orhan Gencebay Give Some Consolation
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Şebnem Ferah Delete from the beginning
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