Attachment theory, which starts from the relationship we establish with the family and progresses to our social relations, appears in different styles, from the anxious events we experience, to establishing healthy relationships or experiencing attachment problems. In fact, attachment styles that form the basis of our entire lives are based on our family relationships. So how many types of attachment styles are there? What are attachment styles in relationships? What are the differences? Psychiatrist Dr. Tuba Erdogan explains attachment theory in all details
What is attachment theory?
Man maintains his lifelong development by interacting and establishing relationships with his environment. In general, there is a common view that the attachment relationship established with the caregiver during infancy, especially until the first five years of age, forms the basis for the relationships that the individual will establish with other people in the future. There are many theorists related to the attachment theory, which can determine the relationship pattern of the person and have an effect in many areas. John Bowlby defines attachment as a compassionate bond between a person and their caregiver.
Attachment theory was developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth in the 1960s and 1970s. This theory suggests that the caregiver (especially mothers) standing next to the baby and meeting its needs prepares a safety base for their children, where they dare to set off to explore the outside world in safety, and then return to their comfort zone. On this basis, it is thought that the child provides the development of healthy communication.
What are the types of attachment? What are the differences?
In this early life period, it is predicted that the child can return to the security base in situations that he perceives as danger, that is, when there is a stranger in the environment or when he experiences a feeling of fear and anxiety towards the outside world, the caregiver will meet the child’s needs in a positive way and a secure attachment pattern will be formed.
What is secure attachment?
Secure attachment is the most common and healthiest attachment relationship seen in societies. In this attachment style, there is a trust-based relationship between the caregiver and the infant. The caregiver responds to the needs of the baby in a timely and healthy manner. There are no situations such as shouting, anger or violence. The caregiver is aware of the needs of the baby and shows emotional and behavioral reactions towards it. This attachment style also reflects on childhood and advanced ages with positive relationships.
What is anxious attachment?
An anxious attachment style may occur in cases where the caregiver shows inconsistent behaviors to the child, meets the needs of the child from time to time, and does not meet them from time to time. When the caregiver leaves the child, the child feels intense anxiety, even if the caregiver returns, the child’s distress may continue, reacting as hitting and crying. He found that children with ambivalent ties in this way were more likely to have difficulty maintaining close relationships with adults.
What is avoidant attachment?
When it comes to the distant and cold situation of the caregiver, the avoidant attachment type is mentioned. Therefore, the child shows similar reactions when he is a caregiver or not. This attachment emerges as a difficulty in establishing relationships in later ages. They trust themselves more than the people around them.
What is messy binding?
Generally, the child may develop a disorganized attachment pattern if their mother has suffered major losses or other traumas shortly before or after the birth of the baby, or has any psychopathology. This attachment style stands out as the most unhealthy of attachment styles. Due to the current living conditions of the caregiver, it does not respond or cannot meet the needs of the baby/child. Since a trusting relationship cannot be established, the child cannot calm down even if the caregiver is with him.
How do family attachment conditions affect our lives in the future?
How attachment patterns manifest themselves in the future will contain traces of these early relationships. Children who develop secure attachment are thought to be individuals who can express their own feelings and approach the feelings of the other person empathetically, as they will develop a relationship of trust and an environment of trust that can express their feelings. Their own self-perceptions develop and they can communicate in a healthy way.
In the anxious attachment style, the necessary trust cannot be established because of an inconsistent response from the parent when needed during childhood. The child, who thinks that he cannot find the same caregiver when he needs it, has difficulties in separation and individuation and may cause him to establish more dependent and high relationship expectations in his next relationships. They evaluate their own self-perceptions through relationships.
In the avoidant attachment style, he thinks that his needs are underestimated or not met and that he is not an object of trust and turns to himself. In the future, they cannot express their negative feelings and experience relationship problems that they try to minimize. They live with patterns such as not being able to establish relationships and intimacy, and thinking that the problems are not related to them.
In the case of cluttered attachment, the child cannot develop a certain pattern due to the parent’s fear and anxiety and creates his own way of behavior. Usually, they are either too warm and sincere or too cold and distant in their relationships.
How many and what should be done to switch from anxious attachment type to secure attachment type?
Whatever type of insecure attachment we have, it is necessary not to consider this situation as a permanent, unresolved situation that must be accepted. First of all, necessary support can be obtained with awareness and acceptance of the current situation. It should not be forgotten that such a radical change will not happen overnight, but with the necessary psychological support and therapy methods, change is possible for every individual.