All is well, but some states and actions of your lover and spouse sting you a little! Nation of men, which one is perfect? Okay, let’s not go too far, when we think about how perfect we women are… Even though we think “We should accept people as they are” and we love Mevlana’s saying “I love the created, because of the creator”, people sometimes say, “Oh, I wish this was that”. I wish we could change his feature, I wish he didn’t act like this”. Come on, if this person is an outside friend, distance can be put in between, but if this person is a lover, one cannot stay away either. So, he should update his version, and urgently. Think about it, the man you fell in love with is in front of you and just the way you want it! Wouldn’t it be bad? We got help from Family and Marriage Therapist Ebru Tuay Üzümcü! He gave us tips on how to change the habits of men that we don’t like!
STATUS 1
HE DRESSS VERY BAD
Of course, don’t mind using a derogatory phrase like, “You’re not thinking of going out in this thing, are you?” It can also express a ‘style’ to him that looks bad to you. So, how accurate would it be to consider yourself a fashion guru here? And remember, you’re not about the shirt, it’s about the man in it. But in the case of a serious situation, for your own opinion to be taken into account, “Honey, your blue shirt suits you very well”, “Would you like my opinion?” or “These are not bad, you have that gray suit, and try it, I wonder if it would be better? Come on, make a fashion show for me”.
Update your version! How can you guide him about clothing? In fact, of course, this idea must have already occurred to you: Go shopping with him! However, the most important point here is that it is an effective and short shopping! Otherwise, he may not want you around again! For example, one day you may go to buy only pants, another day you may go to buy only shirts. If you choose a few trousers at the destination and say “Honey, which one do you like”, you will both help and take control of the situation.
CASE 2
BLENDS WITH YOUR CLOTHING
Whatever attitude we expect to see when we interfere with his, we can do the same! You see, you fell into the flood. Good when you are told about her clothes, bad when you are told! Okay, we’re all women and we’re on your side, not her, you’re right!
Update your version! Rule #1: No harsh replies, no angry attitudes, no pouts! Remember that you are a witty woman and bring humor into it. Let’s say you are told to wear heels. Then you might say, “You don’t want me to wear heels, but we women are made to walk on these long sticks”!
CASE 3
DON’T CARE ENOUGH TO CLEANING
Teeth that are not brushed, clothes left where they were removed, and the smell of sweat… Under normal circumstances, if it were another man, we would say, “Oops, it’s disgusting”. However, when this person becomes a person’s lover, he simply says ‘oooo’, throws out ‘disgusting’, and adds an ‘off’ instead! Self-care skills such as cleaning are skills acquired in childhood, and if you try to teach them to an adult, you may be perceived as being a mother to them, which negatively affects your relationship. So, it’s time not to be a mother, but to be honest; Express your concern openly!
Update your version! Does it smell of sweat? There is such a simple way to tell him that: “You stink” is all it takes. It’s not a bad idea to hug and say “I love you when you smell like that” when she gets out of the shower! Subconsciously gives the message to the subconscious! Prefer direct statements about not brushing and messy teeth. If you complain about clutter, remind him how peaceful your home is!
CASE 4
VERY Jealous
For some reason, it doesn’t surprise us women that the answer to the men’s specialty question “What do women want?” has not yet been found; because we don’t really know what we want either! If they don’t get jealous, “Why isn’t she jealous?”, if they are jealous, “My sweetheart, mine is also very jealous”!
Update your version! Unless, of course, you can’t make him someone who isn’t jealous all of a sudden. “Can’t you be jealous of me darling?” when you say, “Okay, so let me not be jealous anymore” do not expect to get the answer; Let’s say this answer came out of the mouth; It can’t get out of the heart and mind that easily. So try this line: “You should talk to me when you’re uncomfortable with things. I hope the trust between us will improve over time.” Use straight and clear statements like this, be descriptive and take it easy. Jealousy is a very important issue that affects the relationship; if the problem is big, you can get help from an expert.
STATUS 5
DOES NOT REMOVE THE TOILET COVER
Here is the biggest nightmare of women for years! A man who doesn’t lift the toilet seat and even leaves drops on it!
Update your version! If he forgets to remove the toilet lid and you have told him this over and over and you have no results, try this: Stick a funny picture and a note on the lid. For example, a frog with its mouth open and the words “Stop… No,” in the speech bubble. It’s both funny and meaningful. We hope his humor has improved!
STATUS 6
ASOCIAL
Hmm, it’s pretty tough. You are afraid to reveal it in public, it just stays silent, right? Well, the man already has a restlessness, and if you put pressure on him, it will never be possible to get what you want.
Update your version! Take care to include people he likes in his friend groups or invite someone he feels close to. Don’t be the organizer alone, plan the programs together. Avoid surprise organizations! Organize events that he likes but you are not very interested in. For example, if he likes it, go to the racetrack with him, watch a horse race.
STATUS 7
NOT ROMANTIC
What do you think a romantic person is? While we are convinced that our lover is not romantic, we often do so because it does not fit our own romantic mold. However, he may be a romantic and thoughtful person in his own way. However, if his actions have no place in your framework of romance, the situation can be interfered with!
Update your version! Showing that you are aware of some of the subtleties in his behavior and sharing your satisfaction with it can motivate him to do more. For example, when you turn off the light, you can say, “Dear, what a good thing you did, it’s a more pleasant environment,” even if he did it to save energy. Also, try to understand his understanding of romance. What does he mean by romantic, what do you mean? Most of the time, more specific expectations such as sensitivity, affection, and attention can come under the definition of romantic.
STATUS 8
RUDE SABA
In fact, this man was not like this at all, he even opened the car door while you were getting in the car. It’s as if this rude behavior was an afterthought and it’s not nice! He curses, speaks slang in front of your friends, and even insults you.
Update your version! The first step to ‘chipping’ a rude man is to be polite. Open a conversation that you expect the same kindness from him in a comfortable time that is not a problem between you. You can also remind yourself, “I understand what you want, but please remember what we talked about last night, I’d rather you tell me otherwise.” If it is disturbing you in family and friends environment, bring it up not immediately, but after you have calmed down. The most important thing is to share your own feelings about the situation. Saying “I don’t understand what you’re getting by doing this” is a sharing of thoughts, not feelings. Instead, if you say, “I felt humiliated when you said this, I had the feeling that you didn’t value me,” you will have the chance to tell what you are going through about yourself. If he is cocky and overconfident, arguing with him will do little more than feed his desire to be right. However, you can openly express your opinion. If you can’t talk without a fight, you can seek professional help. As for the swearing… If you feel uncomfortable, express it with humor.
STATUS 9
CAN’T DANCE!
You love to dance, but she doesn’t like it at all. Or worse, he likes to dance, but he dances in such a way that it’s like you’re holding a chicken by the feet and it’s flapping its wings for life!
Update your version! Dance is a way of self-expression and that’s how it expresses itself! Of course, it’s a bad thing to tag him as he dances badly, but the village that appears doesn’t want a guide either. If you think it would be offensive to tell her openly, sign up for a dance class right away and go dancing together. The fact that she does not like to dance is a different matter; there is of course such a freedom; just as you have the freedom to love to dance. So do not act strangely; just try to warm him up to the dance little by little. A less crowded place and less familiar people would be an ideal start for this job!
STATUS 10
COMBINE TOO MUCH WITH ALCOHOL
This is an extremely important and sensitive issue. If he drinks a little too much alcohol, his behavior changes when he drinks alcohol, he cannot control himself, this indicates that he has a problem with alcohol use. You cannot do anything about it directly; but you can encourage him to do something.
Update your version! “I love you, but I don’t recognize you when you drink alcohol. This makes it impossible for us to be together in the long run. If you decide to get help, it is very important that you say, “I will support you,” and stay away from the relationship and it, and keep your distance no matter what. It may be difficult, but you must make it clear that you will be part of the solution, not the problem. What he needs is an expert medical doctor.
STATUS 11
SMOKING
“Kissing a man who smokes is like licking an ashtray,” you were told as a kid, but you still find a man smoking a cigarette.
Update your version! You probably don’t intend to tell him “either cigarettes or me”. This threat, we’re sorry, but it won’t work. Of course, you can say that you don’t like cigarettes; however, drinking or not is at his discretion, so start by setting rules in your common living areas. “Only to drink on the balcony!” like…
STATUS 12
YOUR SEX LIFE IS BAD
You are not happy in bed and you don’t know what! You can’t talk about it openly with him either, he may misunderstand you!
Update your version! Sex is the most private area between men and women and it’s good to enjoy it! You should see sex as a situation that you will explore together. Talking about sex helps to add male and female energies to the relationship and creates a special space in each other’s lives.