Relationship and family consultant İrem Hattat is a name that has devoted herself to improving herself in many areas in her career journey, even though she has progressed in education and business life, finance and behavioral sciences, and has succeeded in doing so. Hattat, who served as the vice president of the Family Health Research Association and is also a doctoral student at Bahçeşehir University Faculty of Communication, has carried out various studies and scientific research on raising public awareness about couple relations within the Family Health Research Association in Turkey since 2002. The association presented its work at international congresses held in Hamburg, Copenhagen, Berlin, Istanbul and London. In 2005, she was awarded the first prize at the European Sexual Health Congress with her research on ‘The Effect of Socio-Cultural Factors on Women’s Sexual Function Problems’. Hattat, who is now introducing the new rules of love to his readers with his book ‘The Changing World of Our Relationships: Online Flirting Online Romance’, is already giving the good news of a new book. His near future agenda includes carrying out national and international projects for young people with whom he enjoys sharing his knowledge and experience.
How do you interpret romantic relationships in modern times? How do you think we experience love today?
Even though we call new types of relationships ‘virtual’, they are actually experienced with real emotions and consist of real expectations. As with all our unconditional schemas that come from our infancy and continue throughout our lives, we also have a schema about the ‘ideal person’. Even if the person in front of us is a stranger that we know nothing about, we can fill in the gaps in a positive way, based on his/her accent, similarity with an ex-girlfriend, etc., without even seeing it with our own eyes. In other words, we tend to attribute many positive characteristics to the other person at first sight. Online romances are just like that. Even though we have little information about our beloved candidate, we can make him fit the ideal in our minds. ‘Love at first click’ is a situation we often encounter in online dating applications. In these applications, the first candidate match is based on attractiveness and suitability to expectations (by passing through filters). We can attribute pleasant characteristics to the personality of our beloved candidate based on the impression we get from a photograph. For example, in our first correspondence with the candidate we match with, we can conclude that he or she is humorous, romantic, intelligent, sexy and sweet. In one study, participants were shown a photo and asked whether they would like to flirt with that person in four seconds. Depending on whether the answers are positive or negative, two regions show activity in brain imaging, and the brain questions the suitability of this person to the ideal lover description in our minds and the person’s sexual attractiveness.
What is the formula for keeping relationships alive and having a happy relationship in the digital world?
With the digitalization of the entire world, the rules of love are being re-formed. In online relationships, it is very easy to maintain communication with the help of technology. Long online conversations deepen your relationship, especially if you open up honestly about your inner world… Video calls are also important. You will both increase your commitment to each other and make sure that there is no fake person in front of you. Get to know each other as well as possible by talking about your common interests and values. You can do activities together while on the phone or texting. Additionally, capturing beautiful moments in the real world is also an important motivation. Making plans for your meeting and remembering these moments after meeting keeps trust and love fresh. Don’t be shy about explaining your relationship dynamics and expectations. Among the important topics, I can list monogamy, meeting in the real world, your thoughts about marriage, your love style, and the frequency of your online meetings.
under the spotlight
- To write therapy for me.
- Relationships Sometimes it’s just a choice.
- Romance In fact, it is a feeling and a dream.
- Business life It is the art of self-expression.
- The secret of success setting the right goal and not giving up.