According to Diker’s words, sexuality is one of the elements in dating, but when? Which phase of dating corresponds to this period, which is the nightmare of all women trying to start a relationship? “I know that because every woman has a subconscious fear of losing, she unfortunately does not like that gray area that is uncertain. To give an example, some of my clients do not want to flirt, they prefer to see what happens as soon as possible. She wants to know what she is going through,” says Seda Diker, and continues her words as follows: “You want these, it’s accepted, but it didn’t take long for you to develop feelings with the man in front of you, no dreams, no excitement, no games were played! How will the status of that relationship become clear after these things do not happen? We are a generation torn between now. We look at the couples who got married 20 years ago; They do not have the Internet, smartphones, chat or any other means of communication. Let me give my own example, it has been 24 years since I married my wife. I could not reach my wife because her home phone was in the living room. He spoke without emotion, constantly hiccuping. So what did we do? We can’t talk, we can’t see each other, we said let’s get married and be together. But life is not like that now.”
GOES OR STAYS?
Flirting is inherently sexual as well as holding hands, kissing, going out together, getting together with friends, socializing, sitting on a sofa and watching a movie. However, Turkish women have great concerns about this gray area. The biggest of these is “If I go to bed, will he take his enthusiasm and go to someone else?” The answer to the question is full of unknowns. Maybe the man will go, maybe not, but at this point, there are other things to think about. Diker explains these as follows: “There is a fine line in this matter. The woman has to ask herself how much games can I play, how can I create excitement? In order for an emotion, that is, a love, to occur, it is important that both parties arouse different feelings in the person they like. He needs to wake them up and respond to it. For example, to arouse excitement, to make you wonder and of course to make you dream… A man wants to dream of a woman. The more he can dream, the more he falls in love, he thinks. The man can also make the woman feel anger, but when he does this, he should be able to say, ‘I’m here, I’m in front of you’. If it makes you feel fear, then trust, if it makes you feel anxious, it should give compassion. In other words, the man has to follow the woman’s feelings, awaken them in her and respond to them.”
“I DON’T BE AN EASY WOMAN!”
On the one hand, there is the female model who tries to hold the man by using her sexuality, on the one hand, and on the other hand, there is another group that is strong and does not show their emotions, saying “I shouldn’t be like those women” and judging each other. The women in this group are obsessed with the idea that I don’t look simple, not like I’m chasing after her. Stating that there is only one game played by women in this gray area, but no man wants this boring game, Diker said, “This game is called me run, he chases, I don’t show my feelings, he asks, he wonders, he chases after me… After doing it once or twice, he gives up and runs away. This is not a good game. The solution here is elsewhere. A woman must express her feelings to the man in front of her in three or four sentences in a way that is not angry, not angry, neutral, having studied her lesson and thrown off her negative electricity.”
LIMITS & EMOTIONS
Only she can decide how open a woman is when flirting. The first stage of this involves creating emotions, daydreaming and playing games. While playing these games, we will sometimes make our partner angry, angry, maybe a little embarrassed and appreciated. Thus, we will make him experience different things at the very ends of the emotional spectrum. Of course we will share the same. Stating that this should be thought of as a tango, Diker continues his words as follows: “If a party, for example, the man does not answer, runs away, stops, there are two things that the woman has to do. The first is to follow the man’s fear and expect 100 percent of his brain to accept this person who is unsure because of his inner thoughts and fears. The second is to stop himself and his fears, not to act according to the fears! Because women take everything. Men can’t be too sure about what they’re going through during the dating stage. However, the woman wants the man to be sure, to be clear from the first day. No such thing. Here, the woman has to read the man’s fear in cold blood without being afraid and bypass it. But women, on the contrary, say, ‘Oh my God, why didn’t he want me, am I short, am I not beautiful?’ down to questions. However, the only problem is the tides in the man’s head. It is possible to solve the reasons for these with dating.”
MEN SAY, WOMEN SHOW
Men’s and women’s mindsets are very different. For example, if a man wants to go to bed with a woman, he expresses it by touching and even expressing it openly. The basis for this is that they are active and relaxed. The woman, on the other hand, shows that if she wants to go to bed and make love, she shows it and sees how many answers she gets. But if she doesn’t want it, she has to let her partner know as soon as possible. How Does? Seda Diker says that this can be done in three ways. In the first step; If the woman doesn’t want it, she shows it with her gestures and draws the line, and in return, the man takes a step back. If it continues, it shows that he is abusive, and he should definitely talk about it and explain that he does not like such actions. But if the woman does not see any emotion from the man even though she waits for a certain limit or time, she prefers to give him time until she feels it. Diker said, “As soon as a woman hears or feels an untimely demand for sex from a man, she must first decide whether she wants that man or not. If she wants to but expects some emotional action from the other side, she should openly express it. So it has to give the message that I want you too. Otherwise, it’s very hostile. Because if you don’t want to have sex, then what are you looking for next to the guy? Therefore, it is necessary to start the conversation by saying to that man, I want it too. But he should make eye contact and say lovingly with his eyes, ‘I need a little more emotion, love, compassion, a little more recognition’. And of course directly ‘I want you too, but can you give me a little more time?’ should be able to say it,” she says.
ARE YOU SURE YOU FOUND THE RIGHT PERSON?
• 30 percent physical harmony
• 30 percent mental harmony
• 40 percent Spiritual harmony
If your beloved candidate manages to get a 70 or above here, it’s worth a try.PLAY YOUR CARDS OPEN
When women are in a relationship, they can get stuck on certain issues. One of them is the idea that “When my partner comes, it doesn’t stay long, it just keeps going no matter what I do”. If such uncertainties are experienced in the relationship and these continue, the woman needs to openly talk to the man and open her heart to the other party and seize the situation in order to solve this problem. It is important to give time, if necessary, to draw a framework even if it takes a week, 10 days or three months. But the way to go is “What’s going to happen to our relationship, what’s going to happen to us, are we serious?” Not asking such questions. On the contrary, he will express the value he gives to her, “Do you know how I feel when you go away and don’t text me? It is necessary to use sentences such as “I miss you very much and I feel very sorry for the situation”. Seda Diker describes other ways to solve this situation with these words: “Secondly, ‘Actually, you know what I dream of with you, a closer relationship. It should be said that we went out with our friends, walked hand in hand. Another way is to get his opinion and include it in this situation. ‘What do you think? Sometimes it is necessary to say, ‘If you do not agree, I will go’. Finally, if the guy says ‘Yes, I want you’, give him time. It is important to give him the time necessary for the tides that the man is experiencing to end. But, despite all these efforts, if the man continues the same behavior or clearly answers no, at that point the woman should close the issue and not lose her energy to that man any more.”
FIRST STEP OF SEXUALITY: FLIRT
– Focus on the aspects of your partner that you like. Express these to him. Explain the aspects that you dislike or are uncomfortable with lovingly, without judgment.
– Increase your sexual energy by flirting.
– Do not go to bed with thoughts of ejaculation as soon as possible, focus on pleasure.
– Leave your prejudices behind and start dating. The first thing you get rid of is your prejudices.
– Take your time, take time to discover what your partner likes or dislikes. You will find that you discover new things every time.
– Don’t compare.
– Take off your masks against your partner.
– Don’t let family or friends judge you, draw your own limit.
– Do not forget that the woman’s opponent is a mature woman who can stay in peace without getting caught in her feelings, and the man’s opponent is a man who is satiated enough to deepen with his own woman.
MUST LET IT FLOW
In a way, flirting should be compared to making love. A man can understand how a woman and a woman make love by flirting with him in bed. Diker says that when a man and a woman are together in the bedroom, first one party is the manager and the other one leaves himself to his partner, but he cannot be both the manager and the managed at the same time. exhilarates, gives pleasure. Then the roles change again. In dating, there is a problem if one party is always the manager. Then it is undesirable to go to bed with that person. The main thing is: They always say that the female bird makes the nest, let the female lead it. No, both the man and the woman will occasionally become rulers and pass the relationship. If he cannot do this, the man wants to see his equal in the woman. If he is flirtatious enough and a manager, he cannot fall in love with her if he can’t see it in women.”
YOU CAN’T MAKE HIM IN LOVE IN BED!
If she has fallen in love with a man, who is a woman from a dating couple, but cannot get the same feelings, she can build the relationship on sexuality to keep her partner. So she thinks she can make him fall in love with her, she. However, this doesn’t always work. Diker states that these efforts can turn around 100 percent and things can get messy and warns women: “A lot of women are trying to keep a man sexually, but they all fail. Men never belong to them. However, if the problem in the relationship is that the woman does not go to bed and the man is very taboo, then the situation is different! But how many of them are there in Turkey?”
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Article: Ayşegül Uyanık Örnekal/Formsanté
Those over the age of 60 use the phrase “married by making love” a lot to describe love marriage couples in their circles. However, they are trying to describe a couple who love each other very much, not making love as we understand it today. Today, it takes great courage to say this sentence for a newly married couple. Because many taboos and prohibitions imposed on us by society do not approve of premarital sex. So, should today’s couples get married by making love, like their parents, or should they put it into practice, in this period when there are many rights and freedoms and all the blessings of technology work for the benefit of lovers? We sought an answer to this question with Relationship Coach Seda Diker. We tried to understand what kind of relationship there should be between dating and sexuality.
We first entered the subject with the concept of dating. What is this flirting? Do we know the meaning of this concept? Seda Diker states that neither women nor men have the right information about dating in Turkey and says: “When we go abroad, we see that couples flirt well. This is not wrong at all, but we are intimidated by this word. However, flirting is a set of dialogues that two people start to get to know each other, but then need to continue and change shape in order to keep the feeling of the relationship high. I think the medicine of Turkish people is dating right now. Because we can’t turn our relationships into relationships or we don’t go to bed directly and see each other afterwards. Another process that occurs after sex is called ‘hanging out’. Flirting, on the other hand, expresses the stage that will turn this hooking into a relationship and create love and emotion.”