The twinkling lights on it cast a festive glow in the tiny warehouse that 7-year-old Minka Kelly calls home.
Unable to pay the rent at Kelly’s apartment complex in Los Angeles, her single mother, Maureen, persuaded her landlady to take shelter in the 125-square-foot box. Already aware that her life was different from other little girls, Kelly would often accompany her mother to the Crazy Girls strip club, where she performed as an exotic dancer.
“If she had made a lot of money that night, we would have gone grocery shopping at 2 a.m.,” the 42-year-old actress recalls in this week’s issue of PEOPLE. “I spent most of my youth wishing that my mother was something she wasn’t, wishing she was like other moms. It was only when I got so big that I could really appreciate how special she was. It’s a little late.”
In his upcoming memory, tell me everythingKelly first opens up about her traumatic childhood as her mother, who died of cancer in 2008, tries to make ends meet as she faces addiction and poverty. “My childhood was colorful and chaotic, unstable and inconsistent, unpredictable and often difficult,” she says. Friday night lights And euphoria. “But the silver lining has made me a very adaptable person.”
For more of Kelly’s exclusive interview, pick up this week’s issue of PEOPLE on newsstands Friday.
Former Aerosmith guitarist Rick Dufay, who met Maureen in 1979, did not know her father. Her parents’ short-term relationship resulted in Maureen becoming pregnant. “My mom was on her own for a very long time, so she was just surviving and doing the best she could, and maybe she wasn’t fully equipped to have a child and raise it,” Kelly says. “But he did it anyway because he wanted me and loved me as best he could.”
The two became estranged after Maureen sought more financial support from her daughter as her mother moved in and out of Kelly’s life in her early 20s. They did not rekindle their relationship until Maureen was diagnosed with colon cancer and given two years to live. At the suggestion of a therapist, Kelly confronts Maureen about their past.
“I saw that she was starting to crumble in shame and regret and pain when I was already in all this stuff, and I immediately thought, I don’t need to do this to her,” Kelly recalls. “I just need to forgive and love him. He’s already broken. What’s the point of putting salt in the wound? I’m fine. I want to take care of him right now.”
Eventually, Maureen was in a nursing home in Albuquerque. Kelly got into her mother’s bed and wrapped her arms and legs around her and held her as she died. One of her biggest regrets is that her mother didn’t spend her last Thanksgiving together. “Because it was his favorite vacation and he really wanted me to be there,” Kelly says. “I was just like, ‘Oh, see you next time’, deep down I knew there wouldn’t be anyone else. And I think about it a lot. It still breaks my heart.”
Kelly wrote her memoirs in the hopes that it would “help those who have complicated relationships with their mothers feel less alone.” “And also knowing that we don’t have to be victims of the situation we’re in.” The actress adds that, looking back, she sees her mother as “the most beautiful, free-spirited, big-hearted, deeply loving person I’ve ever met.” “He was so childish, playful and so much fun, and that’s how I remember him. When I was younger I would probably have described him differently, but looking back, they’re angels.”
Don’t miss any stories — sign up PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter From engaging celebrity news to engaging human stories, to stay up to date with the best PEOPLE has to offer.
tell me everything It will be on the shelves on May 2.