Article: Yaprak Çetinkaya/Formsanté
If you know his way of perception, you can avoid hitting walls from time to time in communication and even choose the gifts you will buy on special occasions more easily.
The foundation of relationships is built through communication, and effective communication is possible by understanding the other person. One way to understand people better and thus communicate with them better is to know first your own and then their perception styles. Are you visual or auditory? Maybe you are kinesthetic, that is, sensory… Discover the perception type of yourself and your loved ones, make your life easier. For this, you can benefit from the information provided by Expert Hypnotherapist and Sociologist Gani Eser.
Can you define the concept of perception?
Perception is the window through which we look at the world. It is the filter we use when making sense of people, events, the environment, in short, what is happening outside of us. He perceives more who he sees, who he hears, and who he feels. Each of us has a form of perception that is dominant over others.
How do our perceptions affect our relationships?
Since each individual is different from the other and different perceptions may dominate, it is natural for there to be conflicts and misunderstandings in relationships. It is difficult to try to reach someone with a dominant visual perception with the help of words. You tell him, but he wants to see. Knowing the channel through which the individual we communicate with perceives the world makes it easier for us to reach him. If we do not know, it is possible for us to think that we are not understood and to experience disconnections.
How are our perceptions formed?
While the majority of people perceived the world through auditory channels in the times when there was no television and the radio was listened to, we can understand the situation more easily if I say that visual perception is dominant today. But when we go into specifics, we can say that an individual’s lifestyle, profession and habits determine his or her perception. For example, it is normal to think that the visual perception of those working in the media will be dominant, but if we go into their privates, perhaps their kinesthetic, that is, sensory perception, may be dominant. There are three types of perception; visual, auditory and kinesthetic (sensory). We perceive the world with all three, but one is more dominant. Moreover, this is not a stable situation. Our perception, which was dominant last year, may change this year.
How does this change happen?
Our habits, lifestyle, and profession may change over time. In order for us to perceive the world more clearly, our previously dominant perception can be replaced by another. Since development in children is continuous, it is necessary to test at six-month intervals, but if there is no significant change in the lives of adults, no difference is expected. While the auditory perception of someone who has worked in radio for years is dominant, his visual perception may come to the fore when he moves to the television industry.
There are three types of perception: visual, auditory and kinesthetic (sensory).
We perceive the world with all three, but one is more dominant. Moreover, this is not a stable situation. Our perception, which was dominant last year, may change this year.
ARE YOU VISUAL?
– People with visual perception walk upright, talk fast and are in a hurry. They prefer to watch to learn. Lessons supported by slides are more effective for such students in schools. In their relationships, they care about the external appearance of the other person. The words they use are related to colors and shapes. These people do not like visual pollution.
ARE YOU AUDITORY?
– The posture of individuals with auditory perception is neither too upright nor slouched. They use fluent language while speaking. They prefer to listen to learn. They pay attention to the words the other party uses in their relationships. They don’t pay much attention to appearance. These people, who are highly sensitive to noise, also talk about the sounds they hear at that moment when describing an event.
ARE YOU SENSORY?
– It is possible to recognize kinesthetics, that is, sensory perceivers, from their hunched posture and slow speech. They walk looking ahead. They prefer to learn by touching or writing. They like to touch the people they communicate with. Smell is very important to them and they cannot tolerate bad smells.
Is there a way to understand who has which perception style?
Yes. And we can understand it very easily. Ask the other person about an experience they had in the past and follow them. For example, ask him to remember the day he started primary school. Where are his eyes looking when he talks? We cannot control our eyes when we resort to our memory. If he remembers by looking up, his visual perception is dominant; if he remembers by looking at ear level, his auditory perception is dominant; if he remembers by looking at the ground, his kinesthetic, that is, sensory perception is dominant. The words he uses while telling his memory also reinforce the accuracy of this little test. Individuals with dominant visual perception talk about colors and shapes when describing the event; Those whose auditory perception is at the forefront are afraid of noise, sounds and what they hear. Those with dominant sensory perception choose to talk about their feelings; I was scared, I was happy, or the weather was hot or cold.
What is the role of our perception in human relations? Could people’s perception of each other and the relationship be different?
The basis of relationships is communication. The way to effective communication is to understand the other person. We can more easily reach the person whose dominant perception style we understand. Our efforts to understand each other, our need to express our problems, and our fear of being misunderstood determine the course of our relationships. If we know how to reach it, we will not struggle in vain or run into walls. If we determine the gifts we will buy, the environment we will create, and the way we influence the other person according to their perception, our job will be easier.
What should we pay attention to in order to perceive the other person correctly and to be perceived correctly?
We must pay attention to the dominant form of perception. Just as you can easily do the test I mentioned before on someone else, you can also do it on yourself. Try to remember the first day you went to primary school. Where do you remember looking? Write a few sentences about your memory. Then read. Be careful about the words you use. This is an easy way to get to know both yourself and the other person. If you appeal to his way of perception, he will think that he is understood and cared about. Visually dominant people pay attention to how you look, auditory ones pay attention to the words you use, and sensory ones pay attention to your smell and the way you touch. You, too. Explain clearly what you pay attention to so that your partner can pay attention to it too.
Could the problems in a relationship only arise from problems in perception? Can changing perspective save the relationship?
There is no problem in perception; The problem is in communication. The way to effective communication is to be able to express ourselves well and reach the other person correctly. There are couples who have been married for years and do not know each other well enough and feel that they are constantly misunderstood. When they apply these, their relationships become beautiful as if touched by a magic wand.
What are the most common perception problems in relationships? Does it differ between men and women?
The problem always stems from lack of communication and using the wrong communication channel. Men and women perceive the world differently, but when the right way of communication is found, understanding emerges as parasites disappear. If a woman who thinks that her husband’s visual perception is dominant knows that she will be the center of attention again when she starts paying attention to her clothing, wouldn’t she do this? If we know which window the other person is looking at and can communicate accordingly; If we can explain our own perception to our partner and express our expectations, it will be easier for us to communicate.
If we talk about an example event; “You look a little different today,” the woman says to her girlfriend. He doesn’t actually mean anything negative, but his friend weighed him that morning and he wasn’t happy with the figure he saw. She thinks her friend told her that she has gained weight.
Guessing and thinking in someone else’s shoes are very dangerous phenomena. If she asked her female friend in what sense she used the word “different”, she would not have such delusions. The biggest mistake in communication starts with choosing to guess instead of asking. We should ask without fear of the answer we will receive, and choose to reach the other person with the right questions until we give the answer clearly.
If we talk about another example; The woman often stays at her boyfriend’s house. However, the man has a business meeting that evening. While the woman is waiting for him to say, “You go to me anyway,” the man doesn’t want to force it because he knows that the woman doesn’t like being alone. However, the woman spends the whole night thinking, “If she missed me, she would want me to wait at her house.”
The same problem occurs in this case as well. Lack of communication, waiting to be understood without explaining, and guessing what the other person means instead of asking what they mean, unfortunately, harms relationships. In this case, we are talking about the visible part of the iceberg. It is possible that there will be a relationship that will not last long due to lack of communication. If they stop guessing they can improve.
Let’s finish with one last example. A married couple… The man likes to go to matches and play football with his friends on weekends. Some nights he comes home a little late. He grew up observing his father’s similar life. He thinks that he helps his wife at home as much as he can. The woman says that her husband does not spare time for her, does not help her with the housework, and is a thoughtless man.
Our life before marriage, our family, and the culture we receive play a determining role in our lives. Marriage is the art of two people becoming one, becoming us. If we make it a habit to look only from our own perspective, we will fall into the mistake of thinking that our own thoughts are the only truth. If we are building a life together, we must first understand each other and recognize the underlying reasons for events and habits. What seems right to us may seem wrong and disturbing to the other person. We may need to give up some of our habits for the relationship. This may seem like sacrifice, but it’s actually making an effort for the relationship. If we can understand that our spouse has old habits and that he or she behaves in a similar way for the sake of the relationship, we can realize that we are not alone. Being able to express ourselves well, stopping guessing what someone is thinking and not being afraid to ask questions to understand, learning their perception style and communicating through the right channel will both make our lives easier and strengthen our relationships.