We experience the sadness of a breathless moment being postponed until the next call, just like snoozing the morning alarm. The word for happy ending is orgasm, and we would like to tip our hats and say a few words to those who are deprived of it. We sit down with those who cannot follow the formula of happiness and ignore their partners and ask: Why are you so selfish?
One of the must-have items on the list of a happy bedroom is orgasm. When the parties reach the peak of pleasure, they experience fireworks exploding in their bodies and a perfect journey to the top together. Especially if we assume that the partners reach a synchronized orgasm… This is how we experience what we call a fantastic ending. But what if we said that, contrary to this story with a happy ending, one of the parties in the equation has a selfish character? This is exactly what we need to talk about! Because we prefer to live a situation where everything is fine, not talk about it, are we right?
TRINT AMOUNT OF ORGASMS
Orgasm inequality can be defined as one of the parties having less orgasm than the other, reaching a trace amount of orgasm, or not having an orgasm at all. The happy ending in the bedroom (or wherever you want) ends differently for both genders. Women and men can reach this end in different ways and at different times. While men are faster at reaching orgasm, women are a little less fortunate in this regard. At this point, the concept of ‘luck’ can also be used instead of the ‘skills’ of their partners. Unfortunately, it is a bit difficult to see in practice the so-called flamboyant abilities of men to bring their partners to the peak of pleasure. Some of us even evaluate this as ‘according to rumor’. All this failure ultimately brings dissatisfaction, and dissatisfaction brings inequality. It is up to us to eliminate this inequality sooner or later. Like all the inequalities we have eliminated so far! We continue with the motto ‘Equal rights, equal orgasms in the bedroom’.
The modern world is shaped by each person accepting himself as unique and special. Some of us, who feel more and more unique and special with the personal development craze, may be misinterpreting this situation. So much so that, for some people who feel special, this uniqueness turns into selfishness and turns into a perspective that ignores the other party socially, emotionally and sexually. A woman in her late twenties complains that both she and her friends’ partners are too selfish. He adds that when this selfishness occurs consistently in the bedroom, he cannot escape the feeling of being worthless. He states that he was emotionally worn out and struggled with sexual dissatisfaction during the period when sex became meaningless and turned into a ritual that only satisfies the partner. According to him, the solution is to roll over and go to sleep after having sex with a happy ending. What needs to be underlined at this point is that both parties, not just one, should turn their backs and sleep after reaching sexual satisfaction. So the code: ‘Equal orgasm, equal sleep!’
On the other hand, a woman in her mid-twenties says, ‘What is important to me is my partner’s pleasure.’ Our guest, who attaches great importance to the other party reaching orgasm, could not remain silent when his partner ignored his wishes and desires. He also predicts that the lifespan of their relationship will be directly proportional to his partner’s selfish approach in the bedroom. No matter which side of the coin we turn to, we are bound to come across a side whose pleasures are put in the background.
CONSEQUENCES OF INEQUALITY
Expert Psychologist Aslı Özsoy underlines that men generally experience ejaculation with orgasm, but women can orgasm multiple times, although it is more difficult for them to ejaculate. In such a situation, when the woman cannot achieve orgasm and ejaculation, and the man experiences orgasm and ends the relationship, the other party talks about the possibility that he may exhibit negative emotions and behaviors, thinking that he is not thought of, ignored, devalued, and that his pleasure is not satisfied.
In light of this information, we wonder what the possible consequences of the mentioned inequality might be. Specialist Psk. Özsoy answers this question as follows: “Dissatisfaction may occur due to lack of sexual education and experience, basic sexual techniques as well as methods of stimulating the partner not being well known by couples, partners not talking about how to satisfy each other, selfish attitudes, and many psychological or physiological effects. If the meaning attributed to sexuality is at the forefront in the relationship, both parties may question themselves and move away from both sexuality and their partner. Problems such as lack of desire, arousal problems, inability to get an erection, premature ejaculation, late ejaculation, inability to orgasm and ejaculation may occur in people who have moved away from both sexuality and their partners. It can also develop into reluctance, feelings of inadequacy, performance anxiety, or obsessions. “Although vaginismus in women is less likely to recur after sexual intercourse, it can cause consequences such as vaginal contraction with fearful thoughts and involuntary disallowance of sexual intercourse.”
It is not right to interpret inequality in orgasm between partners solely through the concept of selfishness. In addition, ignorance and indifference should also be added to the list. Again, the physiological differences between the two genders are one of the most important reasons for the aforementioned inequality. As a classic, short foreplay is the first thing that comes to mind. Additionally, women who need clitoral stimulation can resolve these desires with an anatomy lesson they can give to their partners as soon as possible. Putting aside the great value attributed to unity, if some work was spent on other items in order to achieve satisfaction, perhaps we could solve some things, right? According to a study revealing orgasm inequality between couples, while 39 percent of women reach orgasm during intercourse, this rate rises to 91 percent for men. This situation, which is also conceptualized as the ‘orgasm gap’, proves the striking difference with statistics.
THE FIRST STEP ON THE ROAD TO HAPPINESS
All this inequality, selfishness, emptiness, or whatever you want to call it, is not going to just disappear. Women who fight for equality in all matters will apparently also have to make time to eliminate orgasm inequality in the bedroom. Of course, if there are those among us who have achieved the exact opposite graph in their orgasm rates, it would not be bad if they did not bring this issue up for a while. Yes, some of us are very lucky… Communication between the parties seems to be the ideal first step in resolving this inequality. Specialist Psk. According to Aslı Özsoy, the most important thing is that partners talk openly about sexuality and convey their wishes and expectations to each other. “If a person is really disturbed by this inequality and wants to be equal; How well does he know his own body, how much does he know about sexuality, is he uncomfortable with masturbation near his partner or mutually, can he have an orgasm with manual stimulation from his partner, how often does he have an orgasm, how does he experience orgasm, what are the signs of orgasm, does he ever fake an orgasm, does he have sexual intercourse? “It is recommended that they understand questions such as whether they feel negative emotions such as shame, fear, disgust, guilt after intercourse, whether they cry or experience discomfort after lovemaking, find common solutions, and get support from an expert if necessary.” As you can see, it would be a great injustice to put all the responsibility on the partner without knowing ourselves. There is nothing to be ashamed of between you, just talk…
FORMULA: ONE YOU, ONE ME, ONE ORGASM!
Those who see the top every time, those who always have hearts in their eyes, those who have never been exposed to inequality, those who have never experienced orgasm, those who cannot reach and those who struggle against selfish partners… In fact, we are all of them and we are together. Maybe we are even friends drinking coffee together at the same table. Just as the experiences you experience with your partner are personal to you, the solution to orgasm inequality will definitely be special to you. After everyone takes a step to eliminate their own inequality, in the worst case scenario, we part ways with selfish people and embark on new adventures in pursuit of happiness and pleasure. Your message to your partner who is wondering about the formula of happiness should be very clear: One you, one me, one orgasm! We have a clear line regarding the essentials.
Writing: Baran Alışkan
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