Article: Ayşegül Uyanık Örnekal
Some can become obsessed with their noses, some with their neighbors, and some with the dirt of the streets. If these are problems that can be solved and the person can reach the result by taking action for the cause, there is no problem. However, if the person worries about his obsessions in a way that only complicates his life, then it is necessary to intervene. However, there are such obsessions that they can deeply affect not only the daily life, but also the most intimate of the person, namely the sexual life. Many fixed ideas, from “must have in the dark” to “sex only in the bedroom”, disrupt a person’s sex life and sometimes negatively affect their relationship with their partner. The effect of obsessions on sexual life, its causes and how, Psychiatrist Dr. We talked to Barış Kabayiğit.
What are the most obvious problems related to sexual life?
This is common in different parts and cultures of the world. According to scientific studies, one out of every three people on average will experience at least one sexual dysfunction at some point in their life. Studies conducted in various societies and cultures give similar results in terms of the incidence of sexual dysfunctions. However, there are some differences that arise due to cultural and social factors. For example, in conservative societies like ours, factors such as the prohibition of sexuality, the lack of formal sexual education, the perception of it as taboo and the importance of virginity cause vaginismus and sexual desire disorders in women; In men, sexual desire and ejaculation disorders are more common than in societies dominated by sexual liberalism. Again, premature ejaculation in men and various orgasm difficulties in women are more common in social segments where sexual experience is insufficient or in young people.
Do social rules and religious teachings play a role in this?
Among the causes of sexual problems are lack of education on this subject, wrong beliefs, diseases that negatively affect sexual function, and drugs with sexual side effects. In addition to these, a newborn baby becomes an individual by being shaped according to the traditions, religious beliefs and moral attitudes of the society in which he grew up. Most of the time, only sociocultural reasons can play a leading role in the emergence of a sexual dysfunction. For example, you have vaginismus; It is known that it is caused by conservative social structure, traditional value judgments such as chastity and honor, sexual myths such as excessive pain, bleeding and first night fears, growing up in conservative family environments where sexuality is prohibited, cannot be spoken easily, negative attitudes towards sexuality are exhibited and similar factors.
Especially some obsessions of women can affect sexual life. For example, wanting to have sex in the dark or just in bed… What is the basis of this?
In fact, regardless of gender, people live surrounded by habits, anxieties, fears, and expectations. These also occur during sexual intercourse. Instead of looking for a way out of fears, it seems more risky for most people to settle for the familiar, non-frightening, most reliable. Elements such as basic attitudes, personality traits, emotions, cognitive functions, past experiences, traumas, learned behavior patterns that make up human psychology determine our approach to sexuality and our choices. Therefore, in a person whose personality traits are shy and anxious, the desire to make love in the dark can be encountered.
Could a lack of self-confidence have an effect? Just like a woman who is uncomfortable with her body wants to make love in the dark…
Yes, of course it can. The person may feel discomfort with his body in general or in a particular area. He may perceive himself as fat or thin. She may not be satisfied with the shape of her breasts or genitals. Maybe she’s just ashamed of being naked and doesn’t want to look that way. All of these come to the fore as a mismatch between personal expectations and the existing bodily structure. In other words, if the individual is at peace with himself, no matter how he looks, he does not have to hide his body in the dark.
How does being too meticulous and obsessed with hygiene affect the sexual relationship between couples?
In this question, my obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) patients come to mind. Studies conducted with OCD patients; It shows that these people have low self-confidence, high sense of shame, have difficulty in establishing close and continuous relationships, have lower marriage rates, have less sexual experiences and experience less sexual satisfaction when compared to the general population. The patients in this group are also more difficult to stimulate sexually. They frequently experience orgasm-related problems and avoid sexual intimacy.
Is it common to associate sex with sinfulness and guilt because of the family’s teachings?
Yes, such approaches can be encountered in religiously and socially conservative societies like ours. Sexuality can only be thought of as an act necessary for the continuation of the generation. In fact, the most important way to combat these ideas is through sexual education to be given in schools. A way of obtaining information in which only family or religious feelings are effective may be incomplete and erroneous. We may need to give detailed information about sexual issues to people who apply to us in order to change such false beliefs.
In such situations, how do the partners approach the other party, that is, the people who are the prisoner of their obsessions?
In such relationships, where sexual life is a prisoner of obsessions, the spouses struggle and try to find solutions in the beginning stages, but there are those who lose this power over time, as well as those who distance themselves from sexuality altogether.
How is the relationship going? What are you facing after all?
Sexual dysfunction also has negative effects on the relationship. It can lead to the separation of spouses from each other. Some couples, on the other hand, apply to a sexual therapist together and seek a solution, in such cases the problems can be resolved with the treatment process.
Is it possible to treat such obsessions?
Of course its possible! All obsessions, especially sexuality, can be treated with medical methods and cognitive therapies. It is important for people who have problems in their sexual life due to such problems to apply to a specialist without wasting time.
Don’t trust urban legends.
There are many misconceptions and common beliefs about sexuality. For example; Many false beliefs such as “men should state their desire for sexual intercourse”, “All physical intimacy should result in lovemaking”, “a woman who expresses desire for sexual intercourse is a light person” or “If attention is diverted, premature ejaculation can be prevented” are socially transmitted and cause sexual dysfunction. All of these are among the misconceptions encountered in one-on-one interviews and struggled to change. On the other hand, obsessions can vary widely: Cleanliness, order, hoarding, being unsure… Stating that the aforementioned findings can be reflected on sexuality, Psychiatry Specialist Dr. Barış Kabayiğit said, “There may be situations such as staying away from sexuality because of fear of getting dirty, and not being able to experience sexuality without a certain order and rituals. As a result, the level of sexual satisfaction of the spouses decreases.”
* Taken from Formsante magazine.