Article: Deran Çetinsaraç/FormSante
Marriage couple therapy is also required in the treatment of sexual problems. Because sexuality and other parts of marriage are interrelated. Sometimes problems in marriage affect sexual life, sometimes sexual problems affect the marriage as a whole. Even if the sexual problem of the spouses is a problem independent of other areas of the marriage, there needs to be harmony and cooperation between them when solving the problem, and this communication is provided by couple therapy. Dr. Psk. Cengiz Demirsoy and Specialist. Psk. Çiğdem Demirsoy explained the definition of couple therapy, its benefits and how it is applied. The Demirsoy couple undertake couples therapy together when necessary and evaluate men and women separately.
What is couples therapy?
Couple therapy, in general, is a form of psychotherapy applied to change the interaction between two people who are in conflict with each other. In couple therapy, the focus is on the problems of the relationship between two people and their interactions with each other. In couple therapy, the qualities of the relationship between individuals, not their personalities, are addressed; The couple is helped to gain communication and problem-solving skills. It enables spouses to learn to argue without hurting each other. In this way, they can find solutions to their problems and restructure their relationships. With the help of therapy, spouses can understand each other’s personality traits, learn that their spouse is a different individual than themselves, learn to accept each other as they are, reconcile their differences that can be reconciled, and accept those that cannot be reconciled.
Who can benefit from couples therapy?
Couples who are married, engaged or in a relationship of varying degrees can benefit from couple therapy. Almost every couple may experience problems and need help from time to time during their relationship. It is not necessary to be in an intensely conflictual relationship to receive couples therapy. When problems are addressed before they escalate, it becomes easier to find and implement solutions. Couples can also receive couple therapy to further improve their relationships or prevent problems that may arise. For example, getting this kind of help before marriage is considered very important in preventing problems that may arise in the future. It is not necessary to have violent fights in a relationship or marriage to receive couples therapy. It can be seen that even in non-quarrelsome marriages, there are implicit problems and the relationship involves stress. Couples who are dissatisfied with their relationships or want to improve their quality can benefit from therapy.
Suggestions for couples who cannot talk about sexuality
The vast majority of sexual problems consist of solvable problems. When faced with a problem in their sexual lives, couples need to focus on the solution, not the causes of the problem. The reason why problems cannot be discussed is because they focus on the causes and have incomplete and inaccurate information about the causes. When the cause of the problem is perceived as a deficiency or excess in oneself or one’s partner, feelings such as guilt, failure, deficiency, or blaming one’s partner as responsible prevent the communication between the spouses. Sexuality should not be seen as a matter that should be ashamed and hidden, and a person should not blame either himself or his partner. Instead, action should be taken to solve the problem.
Cheating cases account for a large percentage of applications
The form of therapy varies depending on the stage at which the couple comes to therapy. If cheating continues, couples therapy is not appropriate. Such an event shakes the foundation of trust in the marriage, and the aim of couple therapy is to rebuild trust and commitment between spouses by enabling open communication. Naturally, trust cannot be expected to be re-established when there is another ongoing relationship. Cheating creates a crisis situation in the relationship and intense emotions are experienced, which is why it accounts for a large percentage of applications to couples therapy. The cheated spouse often shows symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, depression may develop, and when these needs are identified, individual treatment may be required. It cannot be said that the cheating party is always men, but it is more difficult for men to accept and express such an incident. While women mostly strive to continue the relationship, it seems to be a reason for men to end the relationship. For this reason, most cases of men’s cheating come to therapy.How do you treat sexual problems when they occur psychologically or physiologically?
Sexual problems, except for a very few, are generally of psychological origin. Even though there is a physical reason, psychological problems are also experienced within the framework of this problem, and psychological effects often occur due to the physical problem of the couple. Therefore, psychological approaches need to be applied in addition to the physical treatment of the relevant specialist area. During the therapy, some homework can be given to be applied from one session to the next, both for sexual problems and non-sexual relationship problems. Assignments vary depending on the problem, and are generally aimed at increasing cooperation and harmony between spouses. There are several benefits to implementing these assignments. One benefit; People see that the problems they experience can be controlled if they make an effort and take appropriate approaches. Another benefit is that they see that the solutions and real permanent changes do not come from outside themselves, and that they will actually come from the changes they make in their own behavior, not from the methods applied by the therapist.
What are the differences between seeing couples together and separately?
In couples therapy, the couple is usually interviewed together. Sometimes spouses have a hard time opening up when they are together. Sometimes, the conflicts between the couple are intense and the tension level is high, in such a situation, it becomes difficult to conduct interviews together and collect information that will help understand the relationship as a whole. The couple is taken into meetings separately and they are allowed to express themselves as a whole. With the relief of being understood, people become ready to listen and understand an idea outside their own perspective, and after a certain progress is made, joint sessions are started.
If one of the couple quits therapy, is the treatment interrupted?
Couples therapy; “There is a problem in our relationship, what can we do to fix it” etc. It progresses much better when it starts with the joint decision of the spouses and is carried out together. But sometimes one of the spouses does not agree to come to therapy or leaves it half way through. In this case, therapy can be continued individually instead of despairing and leaving the relationship to its problematic course. Of course, it is difficult to completely fix a problematic marriage with the effort of one party, but at least with the support of a therapist, we can learn how to overcome these difficulties. Marital problems continue to be addressed through individual meetings. Sometimes, changes made by one of the spouses can initiate improvement in the relationship. When such a change begins, the spouse who does not want to come to therapy sees the positive developments, can trust that the process is effective again and agree to participate in the sessions, and sometimes the previously resistant party may even spontaneously offer their spouse to attend the sessions.
What problems is couples therapy used to solve?
Inability to communicate, compromise problems, joint decision-making difficulties, lack of interest and sharing, conflicts regarding the boundaries of relationships with third parties such as family, relatives and friends regarding orientation to social life, issues related to the freedom areas of couples, such as pressure and violence between spouses, jealousy, Issues such as infidelity are common problems that require couple therapy. Sometimes the problem occurs in the relationship, and sometimes a psychological or psychiatric problem that one of the couples has (e.g. depression, obsessions, alcohol-substance addiction, etc.) is reflected in the relationship. Marriage-couple therapy is also required in the treatment of sexual problems. Because sexuality and other parts of marriage are interrelated. Sometimes problems in marriage affect sexual life, sometimes sexual problems affect the marriage as a whole. Even if the sexual problem of the spouses is a problem independent of other areas of the marriage, there needs to be harmony and cooperation between them when solving the problem, and this communication is provided by couple therapy.
How is it implemented?
At the beginning, detailed evaluation interviews are held and the couple’s relationship is evaluated from multiple perspectives. During the evaluation process, joint and separate interviews are held and both parties are asked to define the problem and its history from their own perspective. Each of them’s suggestions and thoughts on the solution are taken; Their expectations from each other and from therapy are determined. Some psychological tests and scales are also applied to couples to identify the problems in their relationships and determine what to do to solve them. In combined sessions, the way couples communicate with each other and the interaction between them is observed, it is checked whether what they say to each other is heard with the same meaning, and arrangements are made regarding these.
Why is it difficult for couples to talk about their sexual problems?
Since sexuality is a subject that is considered socially private, it is not easy to obtain accurate information on this subject. Beliefs called sexual myths, which are spread from word of mouth and mistakenly believed to be true, also lead to lack of information or misinformation and prevent sexual problems from being discussed. Couples often cannot talk about their problems because they are afraid of being blamed, judged, or because they do not want to be criticized.
At what session does it take for couples to open up to therapists about sexuality?
Before coming to therapy, people may have these reservations, especially when it comes to sexual problems, but since the therapist knows this difficulty of the clients, he already makes approaches to help them relax at the first stage. This difficulty can be eliminated from the first session when the therapist acts as a model for them with his reassuring and comforting approach and the way he handles problems. The duration of therapy varies depending on the type of problem experienced, its intensity, and the rate at which people change. The number of meetings is determined according to the developments in the couple’s relationship. Therefore, it is not possible to predict how long therapy will take.