Article: Ece Ürmez
Regardless of the problems faced in the hustle and bustle of daily life, if loneliness is involved, everything is thrown aside and a red alert is given. Because loneliness stands out with its cold silhouette like an iceberg in front of the age we live in. However, this time, we are not writing an article that challenges loneliness, but rather an article in which we invite loneliness. Because those who specifically choose loneliness are increasing day by day. Moreover, they further strengthen their claims by claiming that they have found the secret of happiness. When it comes to loneliness, there are actually two roads; We can either choose to go left and believe that we have fallen victim to today’s conditions and therefore a game of fate, or we can continue right and believe that this is entirely our own choice. This time we will go to the right and witness how our inner voice guides us to loneliness like an invisible hand. This is a fact; Even though people who have chosen loneliness say, “I want to have someone in my life,” they become more convinced of their loneliness with each day they spend alone. Admitting this fact out loud is actually the hardest part. I was able to make this confession when I realized that I was able to erase the negative connotation of loneliness and that this choice was under my control. Once you realize that being alone is directly proportional to your will, you will see with astonishment that loneliness is nothing more than a choice. So, what pushes people to loneliness? Psychiatrist Dr. from Emsey Hospital. Orhan Karaca; “Various factors such as a person’s psychological state, character, economic conditions, friends, gender, family structure, upbringing, and education level determine his perspective on life. This perspective is also a factor in the feeling of loneliness in the person. Regardless of gender, people can be happy when they are alone. Although happiness and loneliness seem like opposite words, they can be seen in the same person at different times. For example; Someone who is happy in the morning may prefer loneliness in the evening. Because loneliness allows a person to be alone with his troubles. It helps us get answers to many questions we cannot ask ourselves and explain to ourselves things we cannot admit. It allows us to lift a burden from many problems that we cannot postpone and face. “Loneliness is a way out that can relieve people, provided that it is not excessive,” he says. Essentially, loneliness is a privilege, not a right. That’s why loneliness is chosen. Because, so to speak, and I think it is permissible, those who can do this job know the advantages that loneliness brings to a person. For those who taste loneliness once, it is very difficult to go back.
LONELY HEARTS CLUB
For those who are carried away by the wind of loneliness, nothing will actually be the same as before, that is, everything will be as they wish. When you look around you, you may notice that many single people seem happier than those who have a lover or spouse. More than what they seem like, they are truly happy because for them life is a one-man life. Everything happens in the order, timing and framework they want. They do not have to answer to anyone, nor do they have any expectations from anyone. Well, if we go back a little, there must be a reason why they made this choice, right? Psychiatrist Karaca explains these reasons as follows; “Sometimes people want to be alone. Sometimes a person needs to do accounting, think and face problems. In this case, being alone is optional, it cannot be called a disorder, it can even be expressed as a necessity. However, it should not be overlooked that when one does not do this consciously and awarely, it may be a sign of a psychological disease.” As you can see, it is possible to say that turning inward is very effective in making this choice. However, it is not possible to completely ignore external factors. So, how much of a role does the time period we live in play in loneliness being a choice? Psychiatrist Karaca answers this question as follows; “The increasing population makes us feel even more alone. Difficult working conditions, traffic making daily life difficult, and the inability to spare time for oneself, unknowingly push people into loneliness. “In these busy days, we think we keep our relationships fresh thanks to the social platform, but we fail to realize that we are addicted to the internet and this makes us more lonely.” Even if it is due to internal or external factors, it is a fact that; The number of women who choose loneliness as a way of life is increasing. At this point, the data of the Turkish Statistical Institute is also quite remarkable. The number of people living alone in Turkey has increased by 500 thousand people in total in the last nine years, reaching 1.5 million. 790 thousand of these are women living alone. If we add to this number those who choose emotional loneliness even if they live with their family or friends, it is impossible not to be surprised by the crowded population of the Lonely Hearts Club.
TAKE CARE OF YOUR LONELINESS!
Psychiatrist Karaca says that loneliness is a spiritual concept as well as material, and that these two dimensions are intertwined as body and soul. Despite this fact, the unbearable lightness of loneliness stands before us as an indisputable fact. In its simplest form, don’t we all say this sentence when we want to relax or clear our minds, even when we are with someone: ‘I want to be alone for a while.’ Because this seems like the only opportunity to talk to yourself before going back to the crowd. At this point, it becomes clearer that loneliness does not mean loneliness, but just wanting to be alone. Wanting to be alone spiritually rather than physically. How beautifully Oğuz Atay said; “Take care of your loneliness… Take care of it! “Who knows how many people contributed to it?” Actually, the secret lies here; if you take good care of your loneliness, it will take good care of you in return. When you find a way to come to terms with loneliness, you will find yourself. Of course, loneliness is against human nature, but knowing that you are at the center of your life’s decision-making mechanism also means a kind of power. This power brings with it a kind of dependency. When you become addicted to life alone, you become the owner of your own happiness formulas. So, once you realize that you don’t necessarily need someone else to be happy, life will seem much better. Because the type of loneliness mentioned in this article is chosen loneliness. It is not a state of loneliness that is used to escape from problems or gets stuck in even if it is not desired. That being the case, the sentence that starts with ‘I want to be alone because…’ is filled with the following words; ‘I don’t have to answer to anyone’, ‘I can make decisions about my life on my own’, ‘I don’t have to deal with the problems a relationship brings’, ‘I don’t have time for a relationship’, ‘I don’t want to bear the responsibility of someone else’, ‘I want to focus more on my career’ , ‘I want to stand on my own’, ‘Making time for myself is more important than anything else’, ‘I want to live only for myself.’ When you read these sentences, do not interpret chosen loneliness as a story of cowardice, selfishness or lack of self-confidence. Those who experience this know how to live and enjoy their lives according to their own wishes. Even though they seem physically alone in their own world, they are spiritually happy. So, at the core of the issue lies the search for happiness, which humanity has been pursuing for centuries. Because we all become ourselves most when we are alone and remember who we are. This is actually what makes us happiest, remembering ourselves… That’s why we can’t give up on loneliness, we know that if we let someone into our lives, we will cease to be ourselves, the more we love, the more we will forget, the more we forget, the more unhappy we will be. Psychiatrist Karaca concludes the subject with a determination and advice that will guide us all: “In a world where individualization is encouraged, loneliness has begun to become chronic. Loneliness can show people the right path, as long as there is awareness and not overdoing it.” We must keep in mind that loneliness also has a duration, and when the period expires, we must urgently abandon this individual utopia that has declared its autonomy. Because; A woman is not alone, she prefers to be alone.