The man, who wants to rest himself a little, is quite happy and peaceful at first in his new relationship, but as time passes, he may show exaggerated reactions to his partner’s demands. Of course, the point to consider in this case is how much the parties are aware of the situation they are in. If the new partner knows the situation of the grieving partner and enters into a relationship, they have to take responsibility for the future risks. Every relationship has its own dynamic, but the responsibility in every relationship belongs to both parties. Of course, if you are a conscious ‘rebound girl’ who is aware of her situation and wants to keep her lover, there are mistakes you should not make. At first; “You still haven’t forgotten him, or are you thinking about him?” or “You don’t really love me at all, did you do that to her too?” Such accusations should be avoided.
As the grief wears off, so does his interest
A person who has come out of a long and troubled relationship may see his new relationship as the ideal person he admires and always seeks. Over time, this view may change as the grief decreases. In addition, as a result of these fluctuations in the relationship, the parties can break and upset each other much more easily.
hugging a new partner, like hugging alcohol
Nuray Sarp, Specialist Clinical Psychologist; He underlines that when feeling emotional deprivation, one can hug a new partner, such as hugging sedatives such as ‘alcohol’. The person meets the need for calm and compassion with the new relationship he has started. But it should not be forgotten that this job is also a time to ‘sober up’. The mourning that has to be experienced is at the door and remains as unfinished business, eventually the brain reminds him of what happened behind him and wants him to complete the work.
Text: Ece Baban
You started a wonderful relationship with him. In the beginning you enjoyed walking together, laughing or even just standing next to each other. But after a short while, you realized that your partner’s interest and interest in the early part of your relationship began to wane, and that your old cheerful self was no longer a trace. The excitement and happiness in his voice was replaced by boredom. So where did this gloom that came between you come from? What happened to Prince Charming, who almost declared his love for you on your first date, suddenly turned into a frog by himself? It may sound a little annoying, but if your partner started a relationship with you after a long relationship, without getting over the pain of separation and your relationship started to lose altitude, you probably became a ‘rebound girl’ rather than the girl he fell in love with at first sight.
What is this rebound girl?
We can define the concept of rebound girl as ‘the girl chosen as a lover’ by a man who wants to overcome the pain of separation with the least damage as a result of one of the parties leaving the other after a long relationship. In other words, we can explain the situation of men who fall into a void after old addictions and old habits, jumping headfirst into another relationship to get rid of this situation. As a result, while you think you have found the love of your life, he may be resting in a port to repair himself. This situation may cause self-confidence damage on the side seen as a rebound girl. Specialist Clinical Psychologist Nuray Sarp from Acıbadem Fulya Hospital explains the psychological state of the person after long relationships as follows; “In our close relationships, we form a bond similar to the one we form with our parents. This togetherness turns into a bond that grows and becomes stronger with the emotional experiences experienced over time. All our transfers, good or bad, find the object of our conflicts and are transferred to the partner. After the separation, we are going through a period when these ties are broken and ready to be re-established. This period is called the mourning period. Separation or death causes us to mourn the loss of someone we care about. No matter who decides to leave, there is always a review process. Our brain always questions the past and the present in an emotional experience. This questioning is about our being human. We need to reorganize everything and reduce the emotional load.” We are trying to invent some new alternatives to overcome or ignore this pain. New hobbies, different countries, house changes or new relationships that will make the previous one ordinary and prove to ourselves that we can still love and be loved! However, newly established relationships are not as easy as moving to a new house or finding a new hobby. And if the other person is not aware of the situation he is in, your relationship may end with heartbreak and tears.
Error 1
“You still haven’t forgotten him”
Keep in mind that the grieving process does not end immediately and accusing someone of ‘not forgetting’ is one of the biggest mistakes. Because mourning is a process that must be completed by the person himself and cannot be completed by external pressure. Such reactions cannot go beyond wearing down your relationship.
Error 2
“I want you to forget him, to be with me”
It is more correct to wait for the relationship to occur in the relationship, instead of saying the sentences that contain love on the basis and desire in the predicate. Making these statements actually means that you feel inadequate.
Error 3
“Or are you thinking of him? You don’t really love me at all, did you do that to him too?”
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to compare the past with the present. In fact, your worries about not being loved come between you more than your ex-lover. And this is how you cause old memories to come back to life.
5. If he is concerned about establishing more physical intimacy with you…
At this point, you can chase it with wet bath slippers. If he’s trying to erase the traces of his old relationship by simply establishing physical intimacy without sharing a romantic moment with you, if he’s always in touch while talking, if he’s trying to spend more of your time at home, it’s time to go. Because if you get too close to his kitten tricks, your heart may break even more with his reckless and alienating attitudes. Because while you think you’ve found love, he may just be looking for a Band-Aid to bind up his own wounds. Get out of his way, let him keep searching.
6. If it’s still in the first person singular…
In this type of relationship, your partner tries to convince himself that they are a couple with you. However, his speeches reveal himself with the sentences he makes. For example, instead of words like ‘we, we’, he still lives in the first person singular. When it comes to bonding and the fundamentals of relationship, he begins to give unpleasant reactions. It is only a matter of time before you encounter a tired, dejected and reluctant subject model instead of the love bug at the beginning of the relationship, the enthusiastic love man. Because the plans for ‘you’ are not even in his mind. This shows that your relationship will never be a ‘serious’ one.
7. If the burden of the relationship is only on your shoulders…
If he usually doesn’t make any effort to keep your relationship going, if your ‘organizer’ identity starts to get in the way of your lover identity, beware! In this case, give him a chance. Don’t make any plans for a few days. Even ruin some of their plans. ‘Is there a problem?’ should knock on your door with a question. If it doesn’t really play ‘there’s a problem!’ Get away from there; he is a lover who was never yours anyway…
8. If her friends are still talking about her ex…
You know, it doesn’t happen, but he introduced you to his friends and everyone is stranger to you in the environment you enter… If some conversations about his ex-girlfriend fill between sentences, it means there is a mistake. Because if her friends didn’t know that her mind was on her ex, they wouldn’t do that, would they? This is proof that they don’t take you seriously either!
9. Ex and sex…
If he calls you by his ex’s name during sexual intercourse, you should now drink a glass of cold water and ask your permission to leave the rebound girl list. This is the clearest indication that he is trying to be with you without forgetting his ex.9 obvious signs that you are a rebound girl!
one. If he’s always telling you about how his relationship with his ex ended…
Then turn on the green light and even pour a bucket of water after it so that it flows like water and never comes back. If a man keeps talking to you with a separation story that will tear you apart, this is the most obvious indicator that he has not gotten over the breakup yet. What you need to do is not to console him or to open your heart to him while you are his crying wall. Leave him alone with his pain! Otherwise, you will be the one suffering.
2. If he constantly gives examples from the past tense…
If, while talking to him, he gives you examples from his own past and life experiences, as if he were talking about Plato’s or Nietzsche’s aphorisms, then the second important sign is in your pocket. Especially if he wasn’t satisfied with the way he was abandoned, if a simple separation occurred while he was expecting a grand ceremony after all that had happened, and if he hinted that he had reached the level of virtue to be a philosopher in Ancient Greece, with this pain, walk away without further ado. Because you are not the lover who will save him from this situation. Let it stand on its own feet.
3. If it’s doing Ex comparisons…
If the agitating breakup story, how he was wronged and the examples given from the past, also include himself or you in the caravan of comparing himself with ex lovers, then the bells are ringing for him. If your features are compared to your ex’s cheek, eyebrow, eye rather than being perceived as your own, you can get away from this relationship without being a rebound girl by reminding who you are with by giving your signed picture along with the phrase ‘good luck in life’.
4. If he is too excited and enthusiastic about your relationship…
You should be afraid of someone who suddenly calls you ‘my love’, as if you have been together for forty years, without knowing the color you like or the music you listen to, even when you are just beginning to pronounce your name. You should be suspicious of this insincere situation and withdraw yourself. Of course, the fact that he texts you more than necessary and shows more interest, love and concern does not mean that he will always try to adapt to you immediately and then leave when his own pain subsides. However, it still warns us; Don’t let your guard down right now. Otherwise, you may put too much meaning into this relationship in a short time, and then you may end up like a fish out of water.