The article is taken from Insider’s interview with Maria Sophocles and is told from Sophocles’ perspective.
I have been working as a gynecologist for over 25 years and have encountered many patients who were not always in the mood. Some said that their low libido was not a problem for them, but that it created tension with their partners, while others said that they missed feeling desire.
Unfortunately, low libido is very common. More than a quarter of pre-menopausal women experience low sexual desire. This rate increases by half in menopausal women. You’re not alone if you have low sexual desire, but there are some things you can do to get your libido under control. Here are six things I want all women to know about the female libido:
It is normal for your libido to fluctuate.
Many women feel frustrated by their lack of consistency. They think they should always strive to have an intense libido, like in the movies and on social media. But this is unrealistic. First of all, we are all people who are tired and have obligations, and it is normal for our mood to change. But beyond that, there are biological reasons why your libido may not be consistent.
If you accept this and allow this squiggly graph, you will eliminate the pressure you may feel to have sexual desire every day.
Estrogen can stimulate desire.
The better you understand the relationship between hormones and libido, the better you will understand changes in your level of desire. For example, rising estrogen in the first half of the menstrual cycle may contribute to sexual desire. In particular, estradiol, a type of estrogen, is so effective at promoting libido that it has been used to treat low libido.
As estrogen levels increase and peak during ovulation, you may feel extra horny. There’s a biological reason for this – it makes sense that you’d be interested in sex while your body has an egg to fertilize.
Progesterone increases sleep and decreases your sexual desire
After ovulation (and during menopause) your estrogen levels drop. Decreasing estrogen can make you feel less romantic.
There’s also another hormone that inhibits your libido: progesterone. Progesterone increases in the second half of the menstrual cycle. Progesterone is a pro-sleep hormone that releases the neurotransmitter GABA (Gamma-Aminobutyric Acid), which promotes healthy sleep. When we get excited for sleep, we get less excited for sex.
Your feelings and history are also important
It’s interesting, but when patients come to me, they don’t say, “My hormones are inhibiting my sexual drive.” Instead, they talk about how low sex drive is affecting their relationship. So I take a behavioral approach to talking to them.
First, I ask them to think about what might be hindering their sexual drive. Don’t they like themselves? Are they fed up with their partners? Do they want to get out of a relationship? Or are they trying to get used to the thought of having a baby?
Next, I ask them about their history of intimacy and contact. Is sex something they do because they enjoy it or because they feel like they have to? Have they ever felt desire in the past? Working through these questions can be difficult, but talking to a counselor or sex therapist can help.
Reading suggestive books can fuel your sex life
Bibliotherapy or reading dirty books can increase desire in many women. Women who read, hear or see books containing certain stimulants; They store these feelings in their brains and are more likely to be interested in sex.
So pick up a romance novel to read on the beach, or try an erotic novel. Likewise, movies or TV series with erotic content can also help.
Start slow
Many women find it frustrating when their partner only wants penetrative sex. So I give patients an assignment: Start slowly. After the kids go to bed, snuggle up on the couch or play games together. Spend at least half an hour connecting (and no, talking about kids, taxes, and bills doesn’t count).
When you are ready to continue on the same day or another day, do it again the same way. Kiss and touch each other, but don’t move directly to sex.
There are many factors that affect sexual desire. It’s not just hormones or your bond with your partner; It’s a complex combination of many factors in your life. The most important thing is to allow yourself to want a healthy, slowly improving sex life.