Jaime Mahler, a licensed therapist, says she noticed he had “toxic” behavior; She reveals the clues that contributed to her toxic relationships and how she’s changing…
According to Insider, Jaime Mahler did not realize that her husband was a very ‘toxic’ person until he saw her family spending time together:“I really thought, ‘Isn’t this fake?’ I remember thinking, “Do you really care about each other and act like this? They were laughing and giving sincere compliments to me and others. I was sure they were acting.”
This forced Mahler, who is now a licensed therapist, to reflect on ‘toxic’ behaviors. Three years later, he started graduate school for therapy.
Mahler told Insider about three behaviors that he realized were ‘toxic’ when he looked back:
Passive aggressive behavior
Mahler said that during his childhood, his family made passive-aggressive comments towards each other. He thought it was a normal way for people to solve their problems or meet their emotional needs, he told Insider.
He used the same strategy in his romantic relationships. For example, when you want your partner to show affection by bringing you a glass of water. “getting angry” and for example “It would be nice if someone paid attention to their partner’s needs.” He was saying things like. Since then, his needs, expectations, thoughts Saying it directly instead of implying He explains that he learned that there is a healthier approach.
Seeking constant approval from partners
Mahler also explains that he sets expectations in his relationships to increase his self-worth through compliments and affirming words.
For example, if she was struggling with a negative view of her own body, she would wait for her partner to pull her out of her low self-esteem. However, he explains that this never happened, which is why he was angry with his partner. Since that day having nothing to do with their partner He learned that he was actually projecting his own wounds onto her, automatically leading their relationship to failure.
IT’S NOT THE SAME AS ASKING FOR SUPPORT IN A DIFFICULT DAY
Mahler said constantly seeking approval is not the same as asking for extra support on a particularly difficult day. Mahler learned that he had to deal with his insecurities himself. He worked with a therapist to change these tendencies.
Mahler, “The purpose of a relationship is not to use each other. It’s to honor each other,” he says.
Continuing in unsatisfying friendships
When Mahler reflected on the relationships in his life, he realized that many of his friendships left him feeling drained. These friendships are often about others was focusing on gossiping. For example, if one friend in their group spends one-on-one time with another; A third friend implied that they were not invited and that the other two treated them badly. In reality, Mahler says, the third friend probably felt left out, but that wasn’t the right thing to do.
Mahler started by being honest with himself about his friendships. For example, instead of being angry with their interests and expectations, they decided that they were actually not good as friends.