It’s no secret that cheating is a reason for many people in relationships to end relationships. After all, even a single act of betrayal can destroy trust and cause irreparable damage to your bond. In fact, according to recent research from USA Network, 94 percent of people surveyed say they would rather not get married at all than marry someone they know will cheat on them. Similarly, 82 percent of survey respondents say they have “zero tolerance” for infidelity.
But that wasn’t the most shocking result of the survey. Even more surprising, 54 percent of the same people surveyed said they believed cheating could be justified.
WHAT IS DECEPTION?
Defining cheating has been difficult because talking about it is taboo. Some experts say it’s becoming increasingly difficult to navigate as our relationship norms change and evolve.
CAN THERE BE JUSTIFIED REASONS FOR CHEATING?
As Weiss points out, deception is very common; At least one in five Americans admits to doing it, and many more likely cheat without admitting they did it. But that doesn’t mean cheating can be justified, he says.
“Cheating is a matter of consent. If your partner consents to a non-monogamous relationship with you, having other partners is also a type of violation of consent,” she explains. “This violates your partner’s sense of emotional security as well as potentially their physical safety (if there is a possibility of contracting an STI).
Cheating also deprives the cheater of a relationship where he or she can be completely open and honest. Therefore, even if you understandably consider the reasons for cheating, the best approach is to end or open up the relationship rather than dragging your partner into a situation to which he or she does not consent.”
“Based on my experience with patients, infidelity cannot be justified,” says therapist Brandon Simpson. “When we justify an action, we are either trying to minimize the impact of the action on someone else or we are changing the other person’s perception of the action, which is exciting.”
10 MOST COMMON REASONS FOR CHEATING
There are many reasons why people are unfaithful; whether it is physical cheating or an emotional affair. According to therapists, these are the 10 most common reasons…
1-The cheater sabotages the relationship
Some people cheat because they consciously or unconsciously want to end the relationship, but cannot bring themselves to do so directly.
2-They are trying to fill the gap in their relationship
A cheater doesn’t always try to end the partnership, but they may still be expressing dissatisfaction with some aspects of the relationship.
3-They cannot adequately cope with major changes in their lives
Tse notes that although cheating can have deeper issues, it tends to occur more frequently during major life transitions.
“Major changes such as job loss, childbirth, or a midlife crisis can create stress and disconnection, leading to infidelity as a coping mechanism or escape,” she says.
4- They are trying to fill a gap in themselves
Other times the cheating has nothing to do with the partnership or the person being cheated on. Instead, the cheater is trying to fill a void he feels inside himself, Vermani says.
5- They seek excitement
Often people get caught up in the excitement of cheating. Because it offers excitement or intrigue not usually found in more stable, long-term relationships.
6- Their self-esteem is low
Vermani adds that it’s also common for people with low self-esteem to withdraw from their relationships.
7- They are sexually dissatisfied
Other times, cheating is all about sex: it could be either sexual dissatisfaction in the current relationship or a broader desire for sexual variety.
8- They set out for revenge
Another common reason people cheat is because they’re getting revenge for something their partner did, including infidelity, Goldberg says.
9- They lack a healthy relationship model
Sometimes people cheat because they have unresolved issues stemming from their own childhood or family structure. Without a healthy relationship to model, they may not have the tools to remain committed to a relationship.
10- Substance abuse problems or sex addiction
Finally, in some cases, cheating is a symptom of something larger, such as a substance abuse problem or sex addiction. “Drugs and alcohol impair a person’s judgment,” says Goldberg.