There are important steps to be taken towards developing a healthy perspective in relationships. If you are straining your relationship and are uncertain about finding the right path, you should not miss the signs that will guide you.
12 SIGNS THAT YOU ARE IN A FORCING RELATIONSHIP
1) You want a relationship more than you want from that person
If you’ve been hoping for a relationship for a long time, feel pressured to get married, or just tired of feeling lonely, you may fall in love with the idea of having a relationship with this person more. To decide between wanting that person and wanting the relationship, consider whether you would be friends with that person. Would you want to be around them even if it was platonic or a relationship wasn’t an option? Do you still want to be with them, or do you move to someone more suitable?
If you’re with this person simply because of favorable circumstances or because you want a relationship, you’re probably more in love with being in a relationship with that person.
2) You think too much about your every action
Sparking or not, it’s not the right partnership if you’re with someone who suffocates you, makes you feel like you should censor yourself, or makes you think too much about your words and actions.
Even if there is a “spark,” it’s the chemistry between your lover and the censored version of you. If a relationship depends on walking on eggshells, it’s not worth wasting your time.
3) Relationship does not improve after arguments
We might think that a spark and true love mean a passionate relationship with someone we get along perfectly. Because that’s what we’ve been taught (like the movie The Notebook!). Arguing may not be wrong or bad, but sometimes; a fight or mistake should mean someone better is out there.
But compatibility and relationship success depend on how you get through disagreements, not whether you agree or not. Whoever your perfect match is, he or she is not a robot, so remember that you both will make mistakes, bad days will come, and there will be arguments.
Pay attention to how your lover reacts to these moments. Do they listen to you, do they communicate effectively, and do they make the same mistake over and over? Do you care more about being right or the relationship? If your intimacy isn’t returning after arguments, you may be pushing something.
4) He is more compassionate in public than when you are alone
Every person and every relationship is different. Maybe you think it’s cheesy to post your relationship on Instagram and you’re embarrassed to kiss in front of your friends, or maybe you just want the whole world to know how happy you are. Either way, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, but you both should be able to show the same love in public as you do in public.
Instead of being close in front of your friends or showing your love all over social media, you can make fun of each other in front of everyone, brag about each other’s achievements, and maybe blow each other a kiss when you think no one is looking.
If your love is more public than private (for both of you), your relationship may be more about proving something than feelings.
5) You hope things about them will change
If you find yourself in thoughts such as “this person would be perfect if there was …” or “we would have a great relationship with …”, the relationship you are in will not last long.
You don’t need to always have the same values, beliefs, and attitudes, but you should at least understand, respect, and appreciate your differences. You shouldn’t have to change them to love them.
At the same time, if you find yourself disliking your partner’s appearance, know that a hair or style change won’t change that. Physical attraction is how your bodies are connected, and you should feel a magnetic attraction towards them and an unwavering attraction.
6) You don’t trust them
Questioning the other’s loyalty is the biggest danger sign (women’s intuition is usually correct). If you don’t trust them to stay loyal, it’s definitely not right for you.
It is also very important to trust them in other ways. If he is someone worth being with, you will trust his views, value his contributions, and believe in who they are. You will believe in their honesty and you will not question their honesty.
They call when they say they will, and they make you feel safe when you’re apart. A spark is attraction yes, but it’s also about the connection between you when you’re not physically together.
7) You pretend to be interested (or vice versa)
You and your partner probably have many different interests – it’s actually quite a fun thing. You may not always be interested in their passions or hobbies, but you should want to learn more and know about their interests because you know how important it is to them.
They don’t have to like everything you like, but they should want to talk about that hobby when you want to. If your eyes don’t shine when you talk about your day or you don’t mind being asked about his new hobbies, the spark may not be there.
8) You can imagine a life with them but that doesn’t excite you
Just because you can imagine a life together doesn’t always mean this person is right for you. When you think about what it’s like to have a relationship with this person, have a home, start a family, or grow old, is the dream more exciting or is it really doing it all?
The saying “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible” is cliche but true. You must be excited for a lifetime with them. If the spark is there, you will be able to look forward to every next step and picture yourself happily together at 80.
9) You don’t have a good friendship
If you’re not laughing, joking, or even enjoying non-romantic times (like shopping, cleaning the house, or walking the dog), your “spark” may just be an illusion based on physical chemistry or the novelty of the relationship.
The best friendships are the ones that make you laugh for no reason, aren’t they? If you’re going to spend your life with someone, it should also be the best friendship you’ve ever had. Your partner should bring out the dumbest you’re at because you know they’ll make you laugh when things get tough, boring, or mundane.
10) You only feel good about them in certain environments
Maybe you enjoy spending time with her friends and family, but you are constantly hesitant because your partner cannot adapt when you are with your family. Or maybe you think you love him on date nights, but you can’t stand to be together in public and you hesitate to put him in some groups.
Try to focus on the times when you don’t feel good, rather than the moments when you feel good. If your feelings for them are strong in some environments and lacking in others, the spark is simply an illusion based on external factors.
11) You do not feel safe or respected
We often confuse “a spark” with many other emotions. Comfort, addiction, and passion are emotions that are often mistaken for love, but wrong. Although love can be addictive, the difference between true addiction and addiction in love; healthy love also includes respect, trust and loyalty.
Likewise, the difference between a love for comfort and a love for comfort is the feeling of security. With comfortable love you will feel safe and secure no matter what. But if you are in a relationship for the sake of comfort, when you are not with them, you will feel uncomfortable with the lack of trust in them or the relationship. Understand what love feels like and don’t confuse it with anything else.
12) You are not in the same mindset
There are confusing definitions of what “chemistry” really means, but the truth is that having a spark sometimes means being in the same mindset: humor, intimacy, values, and what you expect from a relationship.
If there is a real spark, it will go on after the time passes, and you won’t have to question whether the spark is there because you both will know it. So if something feels “wrong” to you, it’s because it is.