WHAT ARE YOUR SHARES?
In marriages, especially spouses who have children, may become attached to their parental roles and be deficient in other roles. However, when there is no love, warmth and sentimentality between the spouses, this relationship does not bring happiness to the children. Of course, spouses who have children can stay connected to the home for the first few years due to the physical care of the child, cannot spare time for each other, and experience fatigue. Some mothers may not be able to break the umbilical cord with their child. However, the relationship of the parents sets an example for the relationships and marriage that the child will establish in the future.
If you notice that your shares are decreasing when you examine your relationship, you can start making an effort on this issue right away. Because the investment you will make in your relationship as a husband and wife ensures that a warm environment where love is experienced in your home and that your children grow up confident and happy.
HOW MUCH IS YOUR CRISIS MANAGEMENT POWER?
Since people do not have the same desires and needs at the same time, conflicts can occur in every relationship. Absence of arguments may not indicate that a relationship is healthy, but that there is a lack of communication. Many events in life, such as losses, bankruptcies, deceptions, can cause conflicts to increase. The important thing is to manage these moments of crisis correctly… At this stage, communication and conflict resolution skills come into play. Although it is thought that conflicts always arise from differences, these differences can turn into advantages in crisis situations. What one side cannot see, the other sees, or when one falls, the other can pick it up.
In times of crisis that can happen to anyone in life, the important thing is to be ‘us’… Expert Psychologist Çiğdem Demirsoy said, “I always say this to my clients in such situations; You are two people walking together on the same road. There is an obstacle in front of you, you should think about how we can overcome this obstacle together. You should be able to look at the problem from a bird’s eye view, without excluding each other,” he says. HOW ARE YOUR COMMUNICATION VALUES?
It is possible to talk about a healthy communication when both parties can recognize their own feelings and express them correctly. Expert Psychologist Çiğdem Demirsoy underlines that there are no unsolvable problems in relationships and adds: “There is no such thing as a compromise on everything in a relationship. Some problems may not be resolved, but the important thing is to be able to talk about them and to reach a consensus on what issues are not understood. It is necessary to use ‘me language’ in communication, to know the limits of one’s own self and to accept the other party with different features from himself. It is important that the established dialogue is conciliatory, not imposing.
When the parties cannot communicate well in the relationship, either the same issues come up again and again and cause discussion, or the issues are covered up and the spouses move away from each other, and the relationship weakens. For this reason, it is necessary to find the middle of these two situations and to get support from an expert if it does not happen. Because an uneasy marriage environment deteriorates the physical and mental health of not only the spouses but also the children living in that house.
TRUST & LOYALTY IS IMPORTANT
The meaning of cheating can differ from person to person and from relationship to relationship. For some, correspondence with someone of the opposite sex online is considered cheating, while others prefer to stay in marriages called ‘open marriages’ where the parties have free relations. Expert Psychologist Çiğdem Demirsoy says, “The important thing is not to perceive a disconnection in the bond in the relationship” and adds: “Spouses may spend time apart from each other, but in this process, they know that there is no defect in the relationship and things that cannot be accepted by each other are happening. It is necessary to be sure of the bond of trust with love and respect during the times spent apart.” Stating that in some cases, spouses may have conflicts about the limits of cheating, Demirsoy said, “While one party does not accept talking on the phone with their ex-girlfriend as cheating, the other may react to it. The important thing is that there is no privacy. If there is a behavior and confidentiality that the other party does not accept, deception can be mentioned.
If there is a problem with trust in your relationship, it indicates that there are problems with communication as well. Spouses need to agree on what is acceptable in the relationship.
SEX AFFECTS MARRIAGE
In order for the sexual life to be satisfying, it is necessary to reach a consensus between the spouses about what will happen in this private area, what is repulsive and what is acceptable. If the bond of love, respect and trust between the spouses is strong, it can be easier to overcome the problems arising from sexuality, and the spouses can get to know each other and adapt over time. “Men are always ready for sex. Social myths such as “Women give more importance to expressing their feelings and put sexuality in the background” play a role in shaping personalities and preferences. Expert Psychologist Çiğdem Demirsoy said, “Both men and women have the biological equipment necessary for sexual life, but women are conditioned to express their feelings and establish emotional relationships due to the social roles imposed by society.” negatively impacts,” he says.
In order to understand whether sexuality is healthy in your relationship, it is recommended that you pay attention not to the number of sexual encounters, but to the behaviors preferred and enjoyed by both parties, and whether the relationship is satisfactory for both parties. On the other hand, for a satisfying sex life, you need to communicate and set your own limits.
The fact that it is healthier to take precautions and protect yourself from the disease, instead of taking medicine after you are sick, also applies to your relationship… By evaluating the headings in this article, you can get your relationship through a health check so you can take your precautions early!
Text: Leaf CETINKAYA
You participate in check-up programs in order to spend your life in a healthier way; your blood count is done, your organ functions are tested, your cholesterol is measured, and you enter various imaging devices as well as urine analysis. But how much do you care about your relationship as it starts to take off? Have you given your relationship the food it needs, especially after marriage? Is there something wrong, what do the symptoms indicate, what kind of treatment do you need in which case? To find the answers to these questions, we recommend that you check-up your relationship. We asked expert psychologist Çiğdem Demirsoy from Memory Center Neuropsychiatry Center about the building blocks that you should focus on for a relationship check-up. Now is the time for analysis and diagnosis…
IS YOUR LOVE TANK FULL?
Love is a word that evokes good feelings in everyone who hears it. However, the ways of showing love, which have a different meaning for everyone, also differ from person to person. Depending on this fact, people’s expectations from the other side are also different, and this difference sometimes causes problems. Sentences such as “If you loved me, you wouldn’t do this” might not seem too foreign to you. Feelings such as anger, sadness and disappointment experienced when expectations about love are not met are sometimes conveyed using wrong expressions. And most importantly, if some problems cannot be solved in the relationship, they are used out of love and over time, their love stores begin to empty.
If you are experiencing differences in the definition and expression of love in your relationship and this difference causes arguments, the solution lies in communication, which is another important building block of the relationship.
WHAT IS YOUR RESPECT LEVEL?
Respect in a relationship means accepting one’s limit. Expert Psychologist Çiğdem Demirsoy says: “It is important to be us, but it is also necessary to accept that in areas where selves touch each other, the other person is a different individual, may think differently and have different wishes. In a healthy relationship, it is important to meet the personality needs of both people.”
If the wishes of one party are always fulfilled in the relationship, it can be said that the other person is frustrated and unhappy. However, human beings are affectionately attached to those who understand and meet their needs. If you are aware that there is a problem in your relationship in this sense, you may think that there is a problem in the bond of love beyond respect.