“I saw the sex tape,” a fan told me as I licked a Dole Whip at Disneyland. Two contradictory worlds in which I had lived for a long time were colliding, literally and figuratively, right now. I even wore my Mickey ears.
“I’ve never made a sex tape,” I said, licking the spoon. It’s not meant to be seductive, but I guess that’s how it might be perceived when you watch a girl from your favorite childhood sitcom make out on camera and then watch her lick a spoon.
“Do not deny it! I saw you… having sex,” he whispered, as if we should share this humiliation moment with him about a movie I accepted and paid for. Boy Meets the World And now I’ve seen your vagina.”
He stood there for a moment with his loose-jawed, drooling mouth waiting for me to say something. What surprised her wasn’t my vagina, though I admit that if you grew up with that ABC sitcom it might be a little shocking. But it was more than that. She couldn’t understand that a woman with a legitimate career wouldn’t be ashamed of the impertinent things she did, like everyone else in Hollywood who had sex in movies and became famous for it.
Hollywood has a complex relationship with sex, and even more so when it comes to women, it serves it on the plate. Growing up in the industry as part of the late nineties and early Disney machine, the girls were portrayed as these sexual creatures, while the virgin fools kept their roles. The studio overlords so directed every step, every move, that it was enough to satisfy the male gaze, but not much. We were in a candy-colored bubble, in movies, on stage and broadcasting in living rooms once a week and then on repeat forever. And I could feel the energy of young actresses wanting to explode around me.
Jessica Biel and Elizabeth Berkley were among the first to challenge their family-friendly image. Jessica is nearly naked on the cover of a men’s magazine and Elizabeth is trying to shock her. show girls. Sex had been a controlled tool used by studios to make money, especially on shows aimed at the American family, so why wasn’t there a way for girls to use their own sexuality to gain fame? This growing sentiment and the rapid rise of the internet is why I’m not surprised that this era is when the sex tape was truly born.
The only problem was that you had to be humiliated by him.
The formula is as follows: A sex tape is made, “stolen” and then leaked and sold for a large fee. The actor is almost always a woman and must always refuse attention. To be successful, there must be some distance between you and your obscenity, as if sex were an out-of-body experience for the good woman. And without shame, remorse, and apology, he won’t succeed by selling sex. That’s what audiences carefully trained by the studio heads who feed them this narrative want. Watching something published against a woman’s will is voyeurism. Seductively intrusive. And separates his body from his being. Does the audience buy the denials? Probably not. However, they enjoy the breach fantasy while the essence of the virgin fool remains intact.
And all of this is really a fantasy. If you’re an actor in the adult movie industry, you know that for your sexual performance to be pasted on DVD covers and sold in sex shops for money, you have to sign lengthy paperwork and prove your age and personality in two ways. While ID verbally consents to having sex in front of the camera while you are being filmed. It’s not hard to guess what a movie it is. One Night in Paris She wasn’t behind that beaded curtain at the local video store without the star’s permission. Known for getting pregnant at sixteen and MTV filming it, Farrah Abraham allegedly made her own movie with a porn star professionally, but still claimed it was a leak.
Hollywood stars aren’t the only ones trying to milk this system. Adult artists who make millions by putting their names and brands on the shoulders of the industry also stick to this formula, especially when they begin to seek the approval of the mainstream gods. Lana Rhodes and Mia Khalifa are examples of, you guessed it, two women who agree to have sex in the movie and thereby establish big brands, earning millions along the way, but then distance themselves significantly from the sex business… regret and shame. Still, to this day, porn names are used to make money, and viewers who find them in the adult realm use them to portray them in other waters.
But the question is, why does sex have to be a scandal? Why haven’t we left behind this archaic notion that a good girl is not a sexual being? In a world ripe with progress and possibilities, why do we still categorize women on a scale from virgin to prostitute? While our country and its factions contradict each other on every possible issue, the only thing that most fundamentalist conservatives and ultra-left feminists come up with is that it is bad for women to use their sexuality.
I’m repeatedly asked why I decided to quit acting for adult entertainment, and I always tell them the truth – I didn’t. I am a player. Whatever the environment, I’ve always been like this. And the hive mind, which once thrown into Hades, believes there’s no going back, bothers me. Not if you’re happy. If you cry the necessary tears of shame and regret, there is a lifeboat offered only by the mainstream gods.
I am not ashamed and never have been. I entered the world of sex work and adult movies with enthusiasm and positivity. When I signed a deal to be the face of the world with Vixen Media Group, the leader of luxury adult content. Deeper brand and collaborating with the famous female director and actress Kayden Kross, I saw a bright future with award-winning projects. Finally, there may be movies of the highest quality, including the hottest sex and bridging the adult and mainstream worlds. Why didn’t the mainstream allow this before? Why are they responsible for making porn look like a less important tool? And by the way, no one else has the talent to fuck, which is a talent in itself.
Despite being warned about this horrible place, I have found the adult industry as a whole to be a place where I can fully express myself, be creative, and use my body as my art. How is this any different from a dancer or athlete who uses her body as a tool to acquire, create and express her talents? And why is it still so shocking to us that sex and more women enjoy it?
I really feel that my refusal to bow to the well-established narrative is the reason why I was so well received. Someone once told me that if you’re happy and someone keeps yelling that you’re not happy, it’s them who look crazy. And that’s true. When I started this journey, I didn’t have a master plan. I was the only one who found myself through countless months, years, and decades. It didn’t start out as a career choice or a calculated move, but if you didn’t pay attention along the way and only saw the “” headlineRachel from Boy Meets World Does Porn” You can assume this is the case. It’s sad that this assumption is embedded in our cultural narrative, but it also pushes me to speak louder.
So, while I was finishing up a spoonful of Dole Whip at Disneyland that day and gazing up at a sky full of triumphant rays, I told my new friend who had just told me that I wasn’t just on her favorite sitcom, she was also herself. I also saw my vagina something simple.
“I know,” I said. “Isn’t it beautiful?” Then Mickey pricked my ears and walked away.