Writing: Elif Gursoy
In the very special moments you live with your partner, you may be worrying about your excess weight or deformation, scars and similar negativities in certain parts of your body. However, a healthy sex life does not require a perfect body. Being at peace with oneself, adopting one’s body as it is, and self-confidence brings a strong bond. We learned from Psychologist Alara Köksal the suggestions that will allow you to move forward and feel better in your bedroom without having to worry about your body.
What are the factors that make a woman have low self-confidence and dislike her body?
The influence of social media is very high, especially today. Photo editing applications, procedures applied in the name of beauty, even the opposite sex’s fondness for social media can trigger this situation. As a matter of fact, the understanding of beauty in today’s conditions is based on always wanting more and giving importance to the thoughts of others rather than their own wishes in the body they are in. Criticisms and comments can affect the person negatively. These things do not directly make the woman a low self-confidence and dislike her body; it can only cause him to interpret his body image differently than it is. This applies not only to women, but also to the opposite sex. Exaggerated interpretations can cause a person to interpret his body image differently and therefore to experience a decrease in self-confidence.
Where to start loving the female body? What mindset helps this?
A woman should first start by loving her own body and soul. Avoid comparisons. Because there is no end to these comparisons. This creates disappointment in the person and lowers their own motivation. It is up to the person to interpret the shortcomings as a plus. Because things always have a positive side. It makes one happy to evaluate it in a positive way, rather than getting hurt because of this situation. The person says to himself, ‘I love everything that makes me me.’ he should assert himself. Although it is said that it is not as easy as it is said, a woman who reminds herself of this every moment of the day will begin to accept her own body and soul as it is. A woman who accepts and begins to love her own body first increases her self-esteem, nourishes her soul and makes herself happy. Accepting oneself and showing respect to one’s body and self is a very effective step in solving all the problems and problems that one experiences.
What problems can arise in the marriage of such women?
Women who are dissatisfied with their bodies primarily avoid sex. Although the concept of sexuality is not a vital phenomenon, it is a very important and basic need. The person who runs away from this need first experiences problems in his marriage or relationship. Sex life is interrupted because she is afraid to reveal her body in all its nakedness and to experience sexual pleasure as she wishes. This affects both sides very negatively. It causes misunderstandings and arguments. In addition, environmental events should not be overlooked. The person who does not love his own body sees it as a deficiency and makes comparisons and is quite available to take his own irritability and anger out of those around him. Because the person is not at peace with himself, he does not live in hesitation because of hurting or upsetting the other person. If this situation is at an advanced stage, getting support is extremely important. A person whose sexual and social relations are interrupted due to dissatisfaction with his body is quite prone to see himself as inadequate in every sense. This situation can become unbearable over time. As it can be understood, although dissatisfaction with the body is perceived as a very simple situation in the society, it is a concept that affects a person’s life indirectly and includes many negative emotions.
How does this woman who is not at peace with her body feel in bed?
Rather than feeling good or bad in bed, it’s better to talk about avoiding sex. The person who is not at peace with his body either sees this as a duty in order to satisfy the sexual satisfaction of the opposite sex, or he postpones the sexual life by hiding behind excuses. In fact, in both cases, more people of the opposite sex are affected. He cannot openly display what he wants to live because of negative thoughts about his body. Negative body image beats feelings and thoughts. Since the satisfaction and happiness to be experienced in bed is a very important factor that can directly affect one’s own life, the person who cannot experience this can be negatively affected by the situation he is in. Concepts such as perspective on events, patience and happiness are more motivational in people or people who have a healthy sexual life compared to people who have deficiencies in their sexual life. The person who sees this as a duty, realizes unilateral sexual satisfaction or avoids this situation, postpones his own wishes and desires. He cannot show himself, he cannot live as he wishes. Thus, due to this situation, he is left alone with situations such as unhappiness, dissatisfaction and lack of enjoyment. This affects your life both directly and indirectly.
Does being overweight or thin in bed make you feel bad? What differences are there between the two?
It is debatable how correct it would be to consider this as just a woman. Being overweight or underweight is not healthy for either side. The fact that both are experienced at the extremes is both physically and physically distressing. Today, although there is a perception that excess weight will cause more trouble, extreme thinness can also create negativity for the person and their partner. Both extremes have their own problems. The overweight person may not have the courage to show himself freely to his partner in sexual life because he is worried about being disliked in terms of appearance. In addition, in cases of extreme weakness, the person may feel inadequate. In other words, ideal weight has the same importance in both daily and sexual life.
How is the woman, who constantly thinks that she is inadequate in this regard, affected by this situation in her daily and business life?
A person who sees himself as inadequate in any subject may see himself as a risk factor in all areas of life. It does not matter whether a woman or a man, if he sees a deficiency in this matter and feels the extent of it, he may experience withdrawals in both daily and business life. He cannot participate in activities and avoids being in environments where he will show himself. It is necessary to research, address and correct why people who experience such situations see themselves as inadequate. For example, why does a person who is dissatisfied with his body experience this? What situation triggered this? When we learn the answers to such questions, our roadmap becomes more clear. First of all, it is necessary to eliminate the “real problem”. When we get the answers to these questions, the problems of individuals who have these problems automatically disappear.
If a woman who is obsessed with her body pays attention to what points, can she feel better in bed?
Person without distinction of male or female; It should feel good in relationships, at work, at home, sitting in front of the TV, cooking or in bed. In other words, the fact that the woman feels good in bed can make the situation a little commoditized. The important thing is that the woman feels good in every aspect of her life. This situation can reflect positively on both sexual and daily life. Everyone needs to be happy in their own body and strive to be that. It is important not to act in the name of making someone else like you. For example, if a woman is overweight and happy with it, the rest of the thoughts shouldn’t matter. The person who wants to correct himself due to external criticism gives up after a certain time. Later, this creates the perception of “I don’t look good”. Therefore, if a person wants to make a change about himself, he should do it voluntarily. The person who wants to make changes in his body or life voluntarily has already achieved this in time.
Is it comfortable for the woman to talk openly about this issue with the opposite sex?
You will not see any harm in always talking openly about everything with your spouse, partner, and the person with whom you have an emotional bond. Both parties should explain the situation to the other side without offending their wishes and desires, without hurting them, by choosing the words that will express themselves best, and without neglecting to respect their body and boundaries. Men and women sometimes want and need to receive comments from their partner, whom they consider close, as a second eye, to be comforted. When he sees intimacy away from true and hurtful criticism, he feels relief. If there are situations that need to be completed, he sees it more clearly and realizes if he has exaggerated thoughts. This makes the person feel good and comfortable both in his sexual life and in terms of relationship.
So, what duties do the opposite sex have to make the woman feel better and more comfortable?
Compared to men, women can be more sensitive and fragile in this regard due to their structure. Both parties need to be open to each other and express their wishes and expectations. But there is a very important fine line here. If the man expresses this in a sarcastic manner, the feedback can cause controversy. In other words, at this point, the way the man expresses his wishes and expectations towards the opposite sex is very important. He should show an attitude away from comparisons and avoid situations such as showing examples. Because every woman is special. Every part of his body from head to toe is precious. For example, if a man uses an expression such as ‘you are too fat, lose weight now’ to a woman who has just given birth and has problems with her weight, this can create problems both in her relationships and in the self-confidence of the woman. A woman who thinks that she is not liked as before, can avoid sexuality and emotional relations. Therefore, in order to make the woman feel more comfortable at this point, it is of great importance that the man choose his sentences carefully and convey them to the other party.
* Taken from Formsante magazine.