Welcome to the tale of loves, bad boys, hopeless romantics, and wrong decisions that we hoped had a happy ending but were shelved at the first opportunity! Say goodbye to the idea of falling in love with all the wrongs… It’s time for right decisions and great loves.
Article: Baran Aliskan
For romantics in love, the ‘happy ending’ continues to shine like the flamboyant reward of a heroic adventure. Sometimes at first sight, sometimes over time, the likes turn into love and we meet the romantic partner of our dreams in our own ‘happy ending’. In the office, at school, on the street, in our social circle, and sometimes the closest person, that lucky person also holds the key to happiness, right? Maybe we were wrong a few times… Our last relationship may have gone worse than we expected, just like the previous ones. Still, we look forward to our next romantic story before we lose hope. If all these thoughts are not foreign to you, then you are one of us, one of those who get lost among the mistakes. If you are an incurable lover who constantly makes wrong decisions, you are in the right place.
to date ‘And they lived happily ever after…’ We couldn’t count how many different loves we set sail with, hoping that it would end with his article. Otherwise, as Athena said, “Every new adventure smells of exciting strawberries. Was it a fleeting whim, sometimes long, sometimes short…”? Whichever it is, if you’re reading these lines with an empty heart, you have an ambitious history of wrong choices. Now leave us aside; How did your string of wrong choices begin? Was he an attractive architect or a charismatic writer? Perhaps he was a lawyer who was both attractive and charismatic. He can also be an adventurous nature lover who does his own thing. That lovely teacher who is great with children also seemed like the ideal person at first glance.
In fact, when we look around, we see that the only common point of all these options is ‘to be with you’. After all, one by one, they were left in the past, so they were all neatly placed in the old and wrong box and shelved. Just as; Like master wrong-choice Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City, Ted Mosby, the hopeless romantic prince of How I Met Your Mother, or Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s Fleabag, you bring tears to our eyes with your consistency over the issue of wrong choices.
SEPARATION IS worthy of love in a hurry
First of all, we can’t blame ourselves for being with the wrong people, even though we’ve described them as ‘wrong choices’. Because, instead of being in a happy relationship, who would want to be in the lead roles of love stories with unhappy endings? This is entirely linked to not being able to learn from romantic experiences. In other words, we encounter this not willingly, but involuntarily. We give chances to the people we define as our type or to the possibilities that pass the wall we have built with certain criteria, and then we meet again with disappointment.
Psychologist Cansın Alsancak states that individuals who say that they constantly have wrong relationships, usually make a quick decision if they meet the criteria instead of trying to get to know the other person better at the first stage, and they may regret it later. When it comes together without knowing it fully, one more item is added to the list of mistakes… In this situation; We can also say that separation befits hasty love.
MEET FLEABAG, FLEABAGGING AND FLEABAGGER
The black comedy series Fleabag, which came to the screen with the co-production of BBC and Amazon in the past, has been added to our list of guides as one of the productions that best describes wrong loves and wrong choices. Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s award-winning series; It tells the story of a woman who often shares her feelings with the audience, tries to put her life in order, and has relationships with different wrong people. So much so that the last love of the lead role was a religious man who had to distance himself from sexuality. Meanwhile, Andrew Scott’s priest character is considered a ‘dream man’ for many women (take a look at it!)…
Anyway, our lead character, who could not get what he expected from life and relationships, of course, horrifies us on the screen with his wrong choices. At least once: “I spend my life having sex to console my hollow heart…” He manages to admit the situation to himself with his words. Fleabag made a huge impact on wrong choices and wrong loves and became a phenomenon. The story, which has turned into a relationship trend called ‘fleabagging’, is defined as taking part in bad choices over and over. In fact, half of the more than a thousand users surveyed by a dating site describe themselves as a ‘fleabagger’, that is, someone who has had bad and bad relationships. You see, we are not alone. We’re just a little wrong.
A woman in her mid-20s, who describes herself as a fleabagger, claims that although she is looking for the right person, she attracts the wrong people. She gives chances to those who manage to get past the few filters she applies when choosing a potential romantic partner. But often these people turn into a real disappointment afterwards. Although they had an ideal profile at first, it became clear that they were not suitable for each other after a while… We don’t say it, she says it herself… When we talk to a woman in her late 30’s, the ‘bad boy’ image is very attractive to her, but this type of person is very attractive. He admits that he understands that he cannot establish healthy and long relationships with partners. This liking was dragging him into toxic relationships all the time. Another example of us is a woman who is looking for her prince charming despite the fact that there is no similarity between the people she is interested in… Despite different characters and different physical features, at the end of the day, no candidate was ‘the right person’ for her and they parted ways, never to meet again. According to him, loneliness happens in three stages: wrong decisions, wrong men and wrong relationships. This trio makes us very sad.
According to psychologist Cansın Alsancak, we constantly repeat similar associations, emotional reactions and dynamics. “The quality of our relationship with the other person reflects the quality of our relationship with ourselves. We choose the people we associate with, and we make these choices based on our needs. If we know, love and value ourselves, our choices will be healthier. Otherwise, we always establish similar relationships, which puts us in a vicious circle. When we realize this and give ourselves time to digest it, that’s when we begin to open the doors of change.”
SERIES OF WRONG DECISIONS
Fleabagging and the constant string of wrong decisions make us feel bad. We can be a bad decision maker or a bad lover. Maybe we don’t understand love at all, it can be all! One thing is for sure, we don’t deserve this.
Fleabag was telling the story of a woman who didn’t have much respect for herself. Of course, we don’t compare ourselves to a black comedy series, but we better keep our door open to the inspiration it gives. Because our wrong partner choices may lie in the relationship we have with ourselves. After all, the code of our social and romantic relationships is formed from the relationship we establish with ourselves. As this negative picture continues, it is possible to show some reactions.
Ps. Cansin Alsancak, He thinks that people who can’t get rid of falling in love with the wrong people may experience loss of self-confidence, feeling of powerlessness, excessive eating/not eating, sleep disorders, loneliness, feeling of worthlessness, decrease/excessive social relations, and repetitive thoughts towards the person who has intense feelings. While we wanted a happy life, we never expected that we would encounter such things…
Say goodbye!
While we may be remembered by the wrong people we fell in love with, like Fleabag, Ted Mosby or Carrie Bradshaw, it is possible to change that.
Ps. According to Cansın Alsancak, we can start by trying to identify the common features in the elections. If we are aware of the common features in these relationships, we will realize what issues we should focus on while working on our relationship choices. Now that we realize what we are attracted to, we can now be more honest with ourselves in making our choices. Do we need to make promises to each other?
We can’t get together with someone just because they’re handsome or pretty. Even though we live in a world of images, we must put this aside. We need to go back to our inner world and discover what actually makes us happy. In this way, we will not be content with less and increase our probability of choosing the right candidate instead of the closest candidate. We also certainly agree that past experiences play a big role in our lives. However, we cannot look to the future with confidence in their light. After taking the lessons we need to learn, we need to know how to leave them behind. Finally, let’s agree not to make hasty choices. Now that the criteria and filters are gone, we can start all over again. It’s time to say goodbye to the bad reputation we have in our close circle with our wrong choices… Now we are on the first page of a romantic story with a happy ending. It’s free to fall in love until you see the sentence ‘They lived happily ever after…’! Please, let’s make sure early on if this is the right person this time…
WHAT TO DO TO MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION?
• Listen to your feelings.
• Forget the outward appearance.
• Realize your own worth.
• Learn from the past and forget about insecurities.
• Take your time.
• Leave the criteria aside.
• Choose the right person, not the most suitable.
PLAYLIST OF FALSE LOVE
Sezen Aksu Wow
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Kayahan What Was My Sin?
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Sertab Erener I Burn
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3 Hürel Lovers Wept
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Tarkan Winter Sun
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Athena Adventure
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Orhan Gencebay Give Consolation
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Sebnem Ferah Erase From The Beginning
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