There is a grieving process experienced in all relationship losses, including death. We expect this period to take approximately six to eight months. During this period, the behavior of men and women may differ. In the grieving process, great pain and anger can occur within the person. After a while, feelings of denial such as “I didn’t want it anyway, it’s better this way” come to the fore. After that, the period begins when the situation is accepted, life is started to be enjoyed again, and meeting new people is happy. If the grieving process has started to extend towards the ninth month, it is thought that this is not a normal situation and the person needs support.
Sometimes expert help is needed!
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Sinem Gül Şahin states that it is difficult to cope with the pain of love in people whose coping mechanisms are not strong enough, and adds: “At the end of six months, your pain is still fresh, it prevents you from doing your daily work, it causes concentration impairment, your sleepiness increases. On the contrary, if you cannot sleep, you should definitely get help from a specialist. The pain of love can also be reflected in the body. Stomach contractions, constant headaches, disruptions in sleep patterns and loss of appetite can be seen.
sense of worthlessness
One of the most important problems experienced after separation is feeling worthless. This feeling creates destructive effects in people who see themselves as valuable to the extent of the value given by others. Psychologist Sinem Gül Şahin stated that people who feel valued in the family are more fortunate in this regard, and said, “For this reason, the family should instill the feeling of ‘You are valuable just because you are, you don’t need to do anything for us to love you’. The child who grows up with this logic, overcomes the pain of love more quickly both in adolescence and adulthood.
There is no single definition of love. Everyone experiences it differently, describes it differently. Some cannot live without love, some complain about not being able to find it. Love, which sweeps you off your feet when it comes and turns your body’s hormone balance upside down, leaves deep scars when it leaves. But on the other hand, life goes on and it is necessary to let the pain of love slowly come out of the body. But how? Specialist Clinical Psychologist Sinem Gül Şahin from Austria Sen Jorj Hospital explains:
What happens to us when we fall in love?
When we fall in love, our body releases certain hormones. For example, the hormone serotonin approaches levels in patients with obsessive compulsive personality disorder. This causes us to become constantly obsessed with the person we are in love with. The release of dopamine hormone increases, our sleep and appetite balance is disturbed. In this process, we do not see the faults of the person we fall in love with, as if confirming the saying that love is blind, we see that person as a part of ourselves. First loves usually begin during adolescence, and we usually don’t marry the person we fell in love with first. In other words, the loves that are thought to never end are ending, we can leave the people we think we can’t live without. Sometimes the love is only one-sided, the other party doesn’t even know about the love for him.
A resentful peacemaker
There are couples who broke up and couldn’t stand the pain it brought, and got back together again, and moreover, there are couples who do this very often. Stating that the relationship enters a vicious circle in such cases, Psychologist Şahin said, “The couple in such a situation should receive couples therapy. This relationship either needs to end, but the parties cannot end it, or it is a relationship that can continue, but there is a communication problem that needs to be resolved. With couples therapy, they can resolve their problems and maintain a happier relationship, or they can decide to break up in a healthy way,” she says.
How many ways are there to suffer in love?
Factors such as the age of the person, previous experiences, types of separation, how strong the person’s coping mechanism is, affect the way of suffering love. For example, getting older does not prevent suffering, but because the mind is familiar with this pain, it thinks, “I am suffering right now, but I know it will pass” and thus it becomes easier to overcome the pain. A person who has never experienced such pain before may feel a much heavier pain in his heart and think that this feeling will never go away.
In people with obsessive personality traits, breakups are very problematic. On the other hand, the period after separation is difficult for people who are more inclined to establish a dependent relationship and who think that they cannot exist without their partner and that they need him. While these personality traits occur in some people due to genetic and environmental factors, they are mostly related to the family’s upbringing style.