There are important steps to take towards developing a healthy perspective in relationships. If you are struggling with your relationship and experiencing uncertainty about finding the right path, you should not miss the signs that will guide you.
12 SIGNS THAT YOU ARE IN A FORCED RELATIONSHIP
1) You want a relationship more than you want that person
If you’ve been hoping for a relationship for a long time, feel pressured to commit, or are tired of feeling lonely, you may be more in love with the idea of hooking up than with this person. To decide between wanting that person and wanting the relationship, consider whether you would be friends with this person. Would you want to be around them even if it was platonic or if the relationship wasn’t an option? Do you still want to be with them, or would you move on to someone more suitable?
If you are only with this person because of favorable circumstances or because you want a relationship, you are most likely more in love with being in a relationship than with that person.
2) You think too much about your every behavior
Spark or not, if you’re with someone who stifles you, makes you feel like you have to censor yourself, or makes you overthink your words and actions, it’s not the right partnership.
Even if there is a “spark” it is the chemistry between your lover and the censored version of you. If making the relationship work depends on you walking on eggshells, it’s not worth wasting your time.
3) The relationship does not improve after arguments
We might think that a spark and true love means a passionate relationship with someone we get along perfectly with. Because that’s what we’ve been taught (like the movie The Notebook!). Arguing may not be wrong or bad, but sometimes; A fight or mistake should mean there’s someone better out there.
But compatibility and relationship success depend on how you navigate disagreements, not whether you agree or disagree. Whoever your perfect partner is, they are not a robot, so remember that you will both make mistakes, bad days will come, and there will be arguments.
Pay attention to how your lover reacts to these moments. Do they listen to you, communicate effectively, and do they make the same mistake again? Do you care more about being right or the relationship? If your intimacy doesn’t bounce back after arguments, you may be pushing something.
4) More compassionate in public than in private
Every person and every relationship is different. Maybe you think it’s cheesy to post your relationship on Instagram and you’re embarrassed to kiss in front of your friends, or maybe you just want the whole world to know how happy you are. There’s no shame either way, but you should both be able to show the same affection in private as you do in public.
Instead of being intimate in front of your friends or flaunting your affection all over social media, you can publicly tease each other, brag about each other’s accomplishments, and maybe give each other a kiss when you think no one is looking.
If your love is more public than private (for both of you), your relationship may be more about proving a point than about feelings.
5) You hope things will change about them
If you find yourself thinking “it would be perfect if this person were…” or “we would have a great relationship with…,” the relationship you are in will not last very long.
You don’t always need to have the same values, beliefs and attitudes, but you should at least understand, respect and appreciate your differences. You shouldn’t have to change them to love them.
At the same time, if you find yourself not liking the way your partner looks, know that a hair or style change won’t change that. Physical attraction is about how your bodies are connected, and you should feel a magnetic pull towards them and an attraction that does not depend on variable factors.
6) You don’t trust them
Questioning the other party’s fidelity is the biggest red flag (women’s intuition is usually accurate). If you don’t trust them to stay faithful, they’re definitely not right for you.
It’s also very important to trust them in other ways. If they are someone worth being with, you will trust their opinions, value their contributions, and believe in who they are. You will believe in their honesty and you will not question their honesty.
They call when they say they will and make you feel safe when you are apart. A spark is about attraction, yes, but it’s also about the connection between you when you’re not physically together.
7) You pretend to be interested (or vice versa)
You and your partner probably have many different interests – which is actually pretty fun. You may not always be interested in their passions or hobbies, but you should want to learn more and know their interests because you know how important it is to them.
They don’t have to love everything you like, but they should want to talk about that hobby when you ask. If your eyes don’t sparkle when you talk about your day or you don’t care to ask about their new hobbies, the spark might not be there.
8) You can imagine a life with them but it doesn’t excite you
Just because you can imagine a life together doesn’t always mean that this person is right for you. When you think about what it would be like to have a relationship with this person, to have a home, to start a family, or to grow old, what is more exciting, dreaming it, or actually doing it all?
“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible” is a cliché but true. You should be excited for the life you will spend with them. If the spark is there, you’ll look forward to each next step and be able to imagine yourself happily together at 80.
9) You don’t have good friendships
If you’re not laughing, joking, or even enjoying non-romantic times (like shopping, cleaning the house, or walking the dog), your “spark” may just be an illusion based on physical chemistry or the newness of the relationship.
Aren’t the best friendships the ones that make you laugh and fool you for no reason? If you’re going to spend your life with someone, it should also be the best friendship you’ve ever had. Your partner should bring out your silliest selves because you know they will make you laugh when things get hard, boring, or mundane.
10) You only feel good about them in certain environments
Maybe you enjoy spending time with your partner’s friends and family, but you are constantly shy because your partner cannot adapt when he is around your family. Or maybe you think you like him on date nights, but you can’t stand being with him in public and are wary of letting him into certain groups.
Instead of focusing on the moments when you feel good, try focusing on the times when you don’t feel good. If your feelings for them are strong in some environments and lacking in others, the spark is merely an illusion based on external factors.
11) You don’t feel safe or respected
We often confuse “a spark” with many other emotions. Comfort, addiction and passion are emotions that are often mistaken for love, but we are mistaken. Although love can create addiction, the difference between true addiction and addiction in love; Healthy love also includes respect, trust and loyalty.
Likewise, the difference between a comfortable love and a love for comfort’s sake is the feeling of security. With comfortable love, you will feel safe and secure no matter what. But if you’re in a relationship for convenience’s sake, you feel uncomfortable when you’re not with them because of your lack of trust in them or the relationship. Understand what love feels like and don’t confuse it with anything else.
12) You don’t have the same mindset
There are confusing definitions of what “chemistry” actually means, but the truth is that having a spark sometimes also means being on the same page: about humor, intimacy, values, and what you want from the relationship.
If there is a real spark there, it will continue as time passes, you won’t have to question whether the spark is there or not because you will both know it. So if something feels “wrong” to you, it’s because it is.