Burçin Öztınaz/Formsante
If you start to say sentences like “I’m tired, let’s go to sleep right away” or “I have a headache” frequently, how about discovering the underlying reason before your relationship reaches the breaking point? If you are ready to face the reasons that may cause coldness in your sexual life, let’s get started!
SEXUAL PROBLEMS
Specialist Psk. Oya Çelik said, “The sexual response cycle in women consists of five stages: desire, arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution. The desire phase is the most important phase that initiates and shapes sexuality. Therefore, the decrease or complete disappearance of desire brings about deterioration in other stages as well,” he says and adds: “In pain disorders such as vaginismus, sexuality may be avoided and sexual desire decreased, as sexuality is perceived as fearful and painful. “Many of vaginismus patients avoid sexuality due to the pain and fear they feel.” Specialist Clinical Psychologist Başkak says the following about the issue and the solution: “In the couples we counsel, women accept the situation as if they are obliged to live a life without sexuality until therapy. Thinking of sex as a moment of terror that should be avoided also leads to sexual frigidity. Vaginismus can be completely resolved with hypnotherapy in an average of six to seven sessions. Anorgasmia (inability to orgasm) is also a very common cause of frigidity. Although it depends on many reasons, for women who cannot recognize sexuality and sexual pleasure in their own bodies and who lack an experience of sexual pleasure, sexuality is a meaningless process that must be endured only for someone else. “The problem of orgasmic disorder, which has a very high rate, can be solved very quickly with hypnotherapy.”
STRESS
Stress and depression negatively affect your entire life and can also cause problems in your sex life. Specialist from Istanbul Faculty of Medicine, Department of Psychiatry. Psk. Oya Çelik said, “Events that cause distress and sadness in a person, such as economic difficulties, illnesses and deaths, and the negativities brought about by busy business life, can periodically reduce sexual desire. For example; It may be difficult for an individual who experiences work stress and is intensely concerned about their economic conditions to direct their attention to their body, sexuality and partner. The sad events of life can also cause long-term stress and psychological problems such as depression and burnout. These problems can also affect sexual interest. “In such cases, first of all, attempts must be made to overcome the difficult process we are in,” he says.
DRUGS USED
Physical and psychiatric diseases such as overactive or underactive adrenal glands, low thyroid hormones, depression and anxiety disorders can also reduce sexual desire. In addition, the medications used in these diseases can also cause a decrease in sexual desire. Specialist Clinical Psychologist-Hypnotherapist Mehmet Başkak said, “All medications have side effects as well as their benefits. Serious problems may occur in sexual life, especially when drugs based on desensitization and anesthesia are used. “It may be necessary to talk to physicians about the side effects of medications, learn the side effects of these medications, and ensure that they are changed when necessary,” he says. Specialist Psk. Oya Çelik, on the other hand, says that if the factor causing the decrease in sexual desire is a disease or medication, a diagnosis of sexual desire disorder is not made. First, the treatment of the existing disease must be completed or the medication must be changed, and then, if necessary, sexual therapy is applied.
PARTNER’S SEXUAL PROBLEMS
If your partner experiences problems such as premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, sexual reluctance, and ejaculation difficulties, it may cause you to have problems with arousal and satisfaction after a while. Specialist Psk. Oya Çelik said, “Women whose partners have sexual dysfunction often say, ‘I was very enthusiastic and willing in the beginning, but as the problem recurred, my desire decreased, and I don’t get too close anymore. We can hear statements such as “If the same thing will happen in the end, what would happen if there was sexuality, what would happen if it didn’t?” “A sexual problem in one of the spouses often causes sexual problems in the other person as well,” he says. Specialist Clinical Psychologist Başkak says, “Sexual problems such as erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation in men cannot meet the expectations in women, and after a while, they can cause fatigue, boredom and boredom in sexual intercourse, or the negativity of unfinished sexuality can cause them to develop coldness towards intercourse at a subconscious level.”
SHORT TERM FOREPAY
The partner’s results-oriented behavior and lack of empathy, and foreplay being carried out quickly each time, can also cause sexual frigidity in women over time. Foreplay is important in terms of preparing both men and women spiritually and physically for sexual intercourse. For a satisfying sexuality, it is essential not to rush.
DISLIKE YOUR BODY
Becoming dissatisfied with yourself with thoughts such as “I couldn’t lose the weight I gained after birth”, “My breasts sagged after breastfeeding”, and then thinking “He doesn’t find me attractive anymore” may have a negative impact on your sexual life. Specialist Psk. Çelik says that women’s relationships with their bodies are generally weaker and more negative than men’s, and that popular culture has a great influence on this. “The ideal female body size and structure, especially reflected in the media, often causes women to compare themselves with the women they see on television and dislike them. As a result of this, a woman who does not like herself and thinks that she is unattractive and has lost her charm cannot easily abandon herself to sexuality and her partner. It is difficult for an individual who does not enjoy his own body to enjoy a relationship with his partner, and this reduces sexual interest and desire. A person who is satisfied with himself and his body, who loves, respects and trusts himself will be more comfortable with sexuality and will approach the other person with these positive feelings. In short, how the individual finds himself and how he feels about himself will determine his sexual approach,” he says.
PREGNANCY FEAR
Specialist Psk. Oya Çelik: “Consciously or unconsciously not wanting to get pregnant means avoiding sexuality. When a woman does not want to become pregnant for various reasons, such as not being ready for the responsibilities of motherhood, fear of childbirth, or concern about the change in relationship dynamics that the child will bring, she can also inhibit her desire to avoid sexual intercourse. This situation causes a more pronounced psychological conflict, especially when the spouse wants children but he does not. “In such cases, uncovering and resolving these concerns will be enough to restore sexual desire.”
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
“Women’s sexual desire is more fragile than men,” says Specialist. Psk. Oya Çelik says that the general course of the relationship also affects sexuality. So, if you are angry with your partner, resentful, or unhappy with the balance of power in your relationship, this may also be affecting your sexual life.
INsomnia and fatigue
Insomnia and fatigue not only negatively affect concentration. Specialist Clinical Psychologist-Hypnotherapist Mehmet Başkak says that intense work tempo, work carried home, and fatigue caused by night life reduce body resistance and sexuality is also affected by this.
NON CARE MAN
As time goes by, it becomes harder to find the same care in relationships as on the first date. Is this the case in your relationship? Your partner’s lack of a habit of brushing his teeth, not paying attention to cleaning his private areas, or smelling of tobacco, alcohol, or sweat may be turning you away from sexual intercourse. What you need to do in such a situation is to bring up the issue without being offensive.